Let the Dreaming Commence

The Mondo class started on Sunday after a bumpy entrance which included me not really understanding what the phrase "user name not available" meant and thinking it was all the computer's fault, and then finally dawning comprehension and then finally gaining access, well, I feel well on my way.

The class is going to be full, a daily thing, commitment to be made as I feel available, but I feel really available. After reading the first "lesson" I realized that I want to write, daily if I can, and I am not sure that this space should take on the responsibility of carrying all that writing. I mean, I highly doubt there will be much knitting or sewing going on with my journaling and dreaming (whatever, I totally sewed all day while dreaming).


Anyways, this is all to say that I have made a new space for it all, aptly named My Mondo Beyondo (clever, aren't I) and it will house and shelter the writing as it comes for this aspect of my time. I put up a link on the sidebar if you want to check in and read. The links to the lessons are for any other Mondo folks, but I hope the writing in itself speaks to something, speaks to me, and helps to clarify just how it is that I am going to swing this dream of mine.

Um, want to see some sewing? Here is a picture or two of some projects taking shape in the New Year. I think it might be the class lighting a fire in my proverbial craft belly, so there are backpacks and blankies and lots of other things. Embroidery too. Just so you know I will not leave this space hanging.






Resting a bit as all the working and sewing and cooking and running after the boys has made me a bit tired. Good tired.

Dream on, sisters. And brothers. Hope you are finding some of your own in this new year.

First, I have to say a big thank you to every Mama and every friend that responded to my posts about the tough parts of two. It is something that many of you have seen, that some still face in the future, but every comment about you and yours and how we actually can survive, well, it helps immensely. It is so nice to not be alone, to be heard and to be supported. I know when I stumble, when I feel overwhelmed that I can come here and put it out there and feel a community willing to say, "It is normal and it is alright", with a couple of those really nice flattering comments directed towards me and mine. So, thanks.

This end of the week post is inspired by the week. I love scanning through our photos and seeing just what the week held. There is so much to Life, so many moments caught and captured to become reminders of the blessing that is this Life. I like it, in all it's turns and twists and backwards bending, but it is easy to lose the magic amidst endless paperwork and wrangling and late nights and laundry piles. So, for my Friday I am posting a plethora of mosaics made courtesy of BigHugeLabs. Fun site, that place.


We finally found the perfect size Ukulele for the boys and gave them a late birthday present, matching blue ukes. They carry them with utter care and we rescue them from manic hands before damage is done. These are real instruments, ones I hope they will learn to play and cherish as time settles their toddler souls. We found them at the Folk Music Center, owned by Ben Harper's Mama. I always hope we will run into him there. Has not happened since high school. The big boys are the two youngest brothers, one home from college, the other getting ready to go. How we will miss them both next year.


Then there is the garden. Growing. That is what they do, I guess. Our looks like it has finally settled in and taken root, new green coming through everyday. And enough greens to gather daily for me to have my new favorite breakfast, lightly scrambled eggs with wilted greens on whole wheat. With this Tobasco; if you love the chipotle pepper as I do, you cannot live without this condiment. And I spotted the first tomato fruit today as I caged up the thriving plants. Bring it, summer.


Tim's day at home. He remembered to switch to the 50mm lens and caught some great pictures. These remind me life is a little bit better when you let go. Falling hurts less when you are loose. And there is nothing like toddler legs. They are so unbelievably squeezable.


And last but not least. Today, during their two hour peaceful nap I had time to cut. And cut. And cut. (Yes, I said two hour peaceful nap. Thank the gods.) Into my precious Heather Ross stash. I finally have a project that will honor it. These will get pieced into a simple top for a duvet cover for their beds. Their big boy 'we are growing up' beds. I am opting for a duvet cover as they really love the cheap fluffy kid 'duvets' we scored at Ikea. They have their old blankets, but some of their loyalty has transferred to these larger blankets. And some new pillows too. So, they will have special covers featuring some of the sweetest little critters. And Tim and I are getting some Matroyska pillowcases and pillows for the bed to welcome summer.


It is a good way to look back on the week just past. Time we will never have again. I wanted to share a link to a post from CafeMama. I found it via the impeccable Kate at SweetSalty. And it is such a great post, for Mamas and Daddies and people living. It is a reminder that we want and crave and need love. And moments of clarity.

The lovely Kate also provided the latest chocolate cake recipe for Tim's birthday past. It was found in this book and it was delicious.

And eaten straight out of the pan as I made it tipsy and buttered but forgot to flour the pan. It was still really good. Considering we are topping out at 78 degrees daily, I think I might go and make it again. Happy weekend to you.

Thoughts from A Week

I have been ruminating on what to write about this whole experience. It has been quite a week. One that will go down in the memory banks as one I will likely not forget. So many things learned from the week that has passed into the past.

:: I have learned what it means to be a caregiver. For those of you that work in medicine, this is a word that holds much meaning. When a person needs help, we look to their caregivers. We ask them to be the help. We ask them to be the other. The non-medical person that will be there for the patient. In my case, I was always the one to teach the caregiver about how/what/when/where to do things. How to move the patient. How to help. How to be what they had never been asked to be before. Someday I might write the full import of what this week was for me. For now, I will say I have learned something from the other side of the fence.

What does it mean to be a caregiver? To take care of someone that you never quite expected to not be well. To see the one you know, in front of you, needing something you have never needed to give before. I am humbled by the experience. Saddened at times by my reaction, my need to not be that. Understanding much better than ever before what the true import of the word means. Happy to have come through this a little bit more aware of what it is exactly that I have asked of the people in my past work, what I just assumed they should be able to give.

:: I have reacquainted with my niece. She, of the 11 month old wadddling gait.

Of the pre-verbal, not always sure, brink of toddlerhood being. She of the baby girl thighs of squishy joy. She now knows and loves me again. It is never enough when part of your family lives 12 hours away. When your true sister-hood lives too far to find daily, but I will take it. The bonding of cousins, twin boys watching "baby" because their new vocal cords cannot quite say "Kayda"; watching, holding, helping, sharing. Mason asking for 'baby' when he wakes, the boys watching her nap on my brother's couch, fascinated by her sleeping. The perfect culmination to the bonding, Sunday night bath, Owen washing her hair, Mason warily but willingly sharing his bubbles. Moments they will remember in their future connections, laying foundations. They felt her fascination with them, had their own.

And I had time to strengthen my bond with a sister, now mothers, never enough but always just what we need.

:: Spring morning storm, blowing in cold and grey. Waking after a too sleepless night, not their fault, only my own. Out for the first time this week, together with the boys, an excellent dinner party. Then home and in the front yard for a minute, watching the clear blue post storm sky, feeling the cleaned breeze, whipping the leaves so fresh, hummingbirds screeching their territory, spring blooms bright after the wash,

seeing my seed flats pushing forward first sprouts. Feeling right for the first time in days, not afraid anymore.

:: Hiking, slowly and not far, but outside, greeting the day with dirt and smiles.


Resolving ::

- First, my sister and I decided to write out our birth stories and send them to each other, do what we will with them. Frame them, write them longhand, paint them, but our gift for each other in this thing called Mamahood as she finishes her first and I, my second.

- A second go at a picture a day leading up to the boys' second birthday. A long standing tradition maybe, for me, for them. To be started on Thursday (I think).

- Finishing a dress for Easter. A big party to be at, Kayda's first birthday, their first Ester Egg hunt, my first dress. It will all work out, right?

Like I said, maybe someday I will figure out what to write about this week. It is a odd thing to find yourself on the side of then fence you never wanted to be on. Terrifying actually. But that always can make one stronger in the end.

Eighteen (and a half) Months

You might be wondering what happened to my twins boys with all the frenzied crafting round here lately. No, I did not drop them off at the nearest Church day care and forget to pick them up. They are here, as crazy and active as ever before, discovering new things and teaching me on a daily basis. We are in that odd place of pre-verbal communication, one part gestures, one part somewhat intelligible speech and three parts screaming. Yeah, I know that does not add up correctly, but whatever. I am amused and fascinated by their language acquisition and totally understand what other Mamas were talking about when they wrote of their children's verbal explosions.

Though for the most part they are still rambling little monkeys with screeches and Mason's odd French-like phrases, the weirdest words pop out of nowhere. Owen repeated the phrase 'the third grade' when talking to my brother the other day, Mason said 'sign language' after Elmo tried to teach them some signs (guess that boat has sailed) and both came up with pretty impressive versions of trick or treat. They picked it up Halloween night after our incessant repetition at the houses, their versions differ greatly but crack us up because they say it and then drop something (a toy, etc. ) into some receptacle afterward...like they are the candy givers.

Owen says basket ball (b-b-ball) and turtle (daturrl), Mason likes imperatives like "do it' 'I do it' 'This way' and possibly 'I do it this way right now', but that is with heavy interpretation on my part.

Their individual expression is astonishing, the imprint of their physicality so unique. Owen has such a deliberate way of moving, but then he can clown it up. I must have really impressed Halloween on them because O has taken to hunching down the hall way in a crouch, growling. Yeah, he also is in his own personal training for the strong man (sic Baby) competition. This is a daily activity.

Mason traipses about, always a little off kilter, on the edge of control. He loves to run but probably shouldn't. He also take fake falls that result in some pretty real injuries. I am hoping he sees the connection between these two things soon.


It is not all happiness and light though, there is plenty of screaming going on, the toddler impatience is an issue I am struggling with and occasionally snapping on. The time change has not truly helped matters much, the hour before nap and bed time are some of the worst I have seen yet. Owen has perfected the 'limp body' technique (like a 28 pound noodle, that one) and the indignant stare. Mason prefers the 'throw self backward without regards for head safety' and his scream is the perfect combination of nails-to-chalkboard-shard-glass-sharp note that literally makes me shudder. All not fun, but manageable as long as I remind myself to breathe and occ. just leave them with Tim if needed (thanks, honey, you are a good good man).


So, how does all the crafting come into play. I should totally not write this down...I won't...let us just say I find myself with a 2 sometimes 3 hour chunk of time mid day and I do not use it for chores. I do craft with them awake too. I show them materials (anything non-breakable, soft and not terribly expensive) and let them sift (actually throw and wrestle) with the bits. Bins can always be re-organized, fabric re-folded, straight pins removed form fingers (just kidding...kinda). It catches their attention and introduces them to Me, to what their Mama loves.

I want creating to be an intrinsic part of our lives, so this is what I am trying.

This past month (and change) saw a few first haircuts,

an awesome visit from Grandma Mona who has not seen them since this fit on Mason's ankle.
And even though the boys have not seen her but the one time, when she got off the plane and we saw her, they instantly went to her and knew she was family. It made my heart feel so wonderful to watch them with her. She read to them, played with them, watched their antics at the park, laughed and giggled and rolled around and even got to do all the Halloween fun with us. And we now have vowed that Halloween is her holiday and she will be here from now on. Yippee.

It saw fun Halloween tricks and Fall activities including our recent apple picking trip, a golden afternoon hike another afternoon. The next few months will probably see even more activities including a planned trip to the cabin, Thanksgiving at the beach, more festivals, and of course, a Santa picture trip. Hard to believe I even included the last item. When did it come to be almost Christmas again? I cannot wait to celebrate the holiday season, with you two, my boys.


And you know, well, that this Mama, she loves you. So very much.

I Died

I want to hate the Rachel Zoe Project. She, of the scarecrow stick body and baggy eyes/crepey neck, spending ten thousand on vintage Givenchy. I think I do hate her. But apparently, I love her patterns of speech. Since I started watching I have incorporated the saying, "I died" and "That's bananas" into my daily thoughts. Ugh. But I kinda' love it, too. Ah, the woes of a born and raised Southern California girl. Just cannot get away from the inherent need to have these ridiculous things pepper my speech. I just might start saying them out loud. Like,

I died.



And again.



With Opa.



Didn't you when you saw these?

Weekend :: Part I

I am tackling the weekend in a two part post because it was that epic. I am sitting here and thinking I have to write, despite an aching back screaming for a heating pad and a very tired mind from all of the activity.

We moved (one) of my baby brothers out this weekend, off to UCSB to start his journey as a young fairly independent college student far enough from home to not be able to get back for the night. He was beyond excited, but I could see the apprehension build as the weekend approached.

I suggested that we tag along to help with the move in, not sure how helpful it is to have two toddlers, but I so wanted to be there. I was with my Mama when he came into the world, it felt right to help him move out to start this new chapter.

We had a really great drive up, surprising to me as I anticipated some car melt downs in the two hour time span. I was stunned by his dorm situation. The kid lives a two minute walk from the beach, his building has a balcony overlooking a lagoon and he scored a corner room with light and fresh air that stream in.

It was hard to believe that we were going to leave him there, but it went alright. I even got out of there without crying. And it was a joy to watch my boys run up and down his dorm halls, breaking in the floor to the fact that he might have some very uncool older siblings with two babies crashing on his dorm floor. Well, probably not, Tim and I are too old to crash out on floors now, but the babies were a hit on campus.

And I am in awe that my baby brother will be receiving his college education in the most gorgeous place on earth. I am so happy for him. Now let's just hope he stays focused and spends more time studying than hanging out at the pool steps from his dorm. Yes, I said pool. I ask myself why I went to NYC for school when I could have been here.


After we reluctantly left the campus, we headed into SB proper to do a little walking and window shopping.

I had a slightly devious plan to get Tim and the boys into the downtown area so I could casually direct us to the three yarn stores I looked up on Ravelry before we headed out. Such a bad Mama. But it was not to be, the boys were in full melt mode and we were all a bit out of it.

We ended up parking by the giant famous fig tree and saddling the boys up in the much too small backpacks. After a few pictures, I realized we were not too far from one of the shops I had found, I consulted my sketched out map and everyone was nice enough to come along as I think they thought Mama was close to melting a bit herself.

We ended up on the loveliest of streets, a few down from the unbearably busy State St. It was a quiet cottage lined street and I thought my directions were wrong due to the residential feel. But we came upon the Loop and Leaf and my heart skipped a bit because it was just gorgeous. See?

I promised to not be too long and slipped in, leaving the babies outside with the big boys (Tim and my (other) brother). This place is heaven for knitters and they carry Habu. I just about fainted. And then I heard the babies inside and freaked out because the havoc, oh, the havoc they wreak with my yarn at home. But all was well because in the small room to the side of all the yarny goodness was a comfortable room with a couch, coffee and toys galore.

The boys blissed out on the new toys and I blissed out on the yarn. The owner Celeste was the one to bring the babies in (she has a little one) and we talked about Habu and blogs (so weird how knitting and blogs are completely intertwined, it must sound like a foreign language). And I talked with the other woman working there about twins and yarn and portland, OR. And then it happened...I asked Celeste if I could blog some pictures, she asked my blog, and Brook, who had just rang up my modest purchase (of habu Silk/Stainless steel yarn) said, You are Mamie? Because, get this, a few weeks ago I responded to a great comment and she happened to live in SB and I happened to mention I was heading that way and then we both kinda' had that blogging connection when we were like, we should meet up some time if we get a chance...you all know the initial feeling of "I think I would like this person IRL".

But it just so happened the one shop we made it to, the one I picked randomly, not only held some of the most wonderful yarn, not only had a knitting group going that welcomed my slightly hysterical children and even played with them, it also held a person that I know now I am destined to see again.

Brook, my commenter, was also the same woman I had been talking to about the shop, twins, Portland, etc. We ended up hugging and forgetting to take a picture together (I am such a bad blogger) but I am going to make it a point to get up there again just to sit and talk and knit in that place. And if you are near you should too. It is awesome and they are having a trunk show for Habu yarns next weekend.

Go if you can and say hi to Brook and Celeste, believe me, you want to knit in this place.

We ended the day in dismal L.A. traffic way past the babies bedtime (what is up with L.A. having the crappiest drivers in the world? The whole world..I swear. They brake when the freeway curves. Dorks). You can see the set of SB pictures here. I cannot wait to get back. It is so great to know a place we once loved visiting is now accessible again, babies in tow.

Part II will feature Sunday's party schedule : a baby shower and a baby's 1st birthday party. Now I am out. Gotta' get back to latest knit project...I am loving my fair isle right now.

Blogger, bite me

Okay, Blogger is being crazy and not allowing me to edit the previous post, sp. mistakes and all. Sorry, it is pretty terrible. Plus no pictures because Blogger basically sucks ass. Sorry, delicate readers, I am just a little on it right now.

Here are some photos that I wish were interspersed in the post, because, you know, that is how I do it. Usually. Arg. Blogger.
Their Favorite place to be

Scooting in Claremont

Sharing

Lounging

Hi airplane

Where?

Lunch sans Seats

The Kickoff

I have been meaning to address the post- Cleanse period, but things have been totally crazy around here and it is not slowing down anytime soon. I will put it briefly by saying, I feel great. Really healthy, light, slim and full of energy. I did the Cleanse early in the month because I knew I needed something to kick start my energy because things are so busy from now until Christmas. Our best friend’s are getting married and Tim is their best man. The nest few weekends are filled with Bachelor/Bacherlorette parties, showers, moving a brother to college in Santa Barbara, the wedding, a autumn trip and then the holidays begin. Whew. It makes me glad I started Christmas knitting in july.

The weekend was a blur, my sister, b-I-l and Baby Kayda were in town, we crammed in time with our children, cuddling, passing kids around, eating (my plan to slowly back off the Cleanse went to hell in a hand basket when my parents prepared an Indo feast on Sunday), discussing Mama hood (in the bathroom after one too many sakes… sisters are the best things in the world) and hugging.

We marveled at the fact that we are now Mamas and the changes it has wrought in our lives. And we laughed, about it all, because that is what you do.

Our Kayders is a perfect blend of her Mama and Dada and our boys had no idea what to do with a baby. They stared mute as my sister breastfed, trying to figure out the whole milk situation, they handed her toys but stole her binky, and they played the occasional pack horse when needed.

But I could tell they loved it, this new person, these family members that we see and wish for more time with. Oh, distance, it really strikes home how hard it is to be far from family when the children come into the picture.

I also had the chance to gift my sweet Kate with her wedding shawl. It was received with smiles and modeled briefly before getting tucked away until the big day.

I had to include pictures of the wrapping because I love it so. Wedding section of Target if you would like some for yourself.

I was quite proud of wrapping it as there was so much going on before her shower I could almost have imagined walking in and just handing it to her. But I did it, got it in the box and properly made up. I am really looking forward to time with her this weekend, we are all escaping to a luxury villa in Palm Desert for the weekend, just the girls and some food and wine. And a personal butler. And a personal chef (alright, it is one of the Mama's of an attendee and only for one night, but still, she is a chef and preparing a gourmet meal for just us. Woot). This will be my first solo trip away from the family and I am bubbling with excitement. I rarely went away even pre-babies, but this group of women rock, they are really down to earth, fun to be with and I cannot wait. And, ahem, did I mention the butler?

So, I have been knitting but I have most of the projects in various states of completion and none are very bloggable right now. But they are fun. I have a list projects to try to get to each week/month/etc and I seem to be sticking to it. And finding it fun and rewarding. But I did get distracted by some fabric that I bought in anticipation of Dia de las Muertas (almost as great a day as Halloween).

I wanted to make the boys some pants, found this cozy flannel, then was inspired by the cooler mornings and fall like temperatures of the last two days (yeah, that would be low 60s in the morning and 80s in the afternoon...autumn California style. The pants are a quick project, I run into trouble on the waistband, but for these I just folded over the top, seamed with a hole in the back and threaded some elastic through the waist band. I used 1.5 inch elastic which seems to be comfortable on their baby tummies.

And they were so cute, actually trying to get them on during the 'fittings'. It is almost as if they know when I make them something and get excited about it. Makes me feel so great. And I am encouraged to keep sewing, even though I am challenged by it in many ways.

So, onward to the rest of the week. Friday Tim and I are going on the Claremont village Wine Walk, a first for us. It sounds great, a night in the village, walking to shops that will be serving wine and food. If you are anywhere near Claremont you have to try The Back Abbey for excellent Belgium imported beer, then cross the court yard into Casa 425's enclosed patio, where you can sit and have a drink on comfy outdoor couches next to a glass firepit (our anniversary night and maybe post Wine Walk). Then off to the Villa for me on Saturday. I promise to take pictures.

And the last thing...probably the last time we can cram them into the same swing. they had a blast.