Gone and Back

My parents were away for a week or so, North to see their other children. They take the trip as often as they can and I always find it occurs at just the right time. I will not lie, living in a multi-generational home has its up and down trajectories. There is a lot of compromise and sometimes misunderstandings or miscommunication. There is also a lot of extra love and support and hands so I tend to just shrug and try to get on with stuff even when it is hard.

But I have to admit I do love the weeks when we are on our own, the immediacy of the little family we are apparent and present daily. We do not do things differently but there is a different feel to it. A subtle difference in the rhythm of the household. And so we embrace those days, juggle responsibilities of work and home a little bit more and walk around naked a lot. Uh, that last one is a lie. I never walk around naked, ever. Not even when I am alone. Just not my thing.

The other side is that just when Tim and I start to feel the strain of doing this family thing on our own, when we have passed them off to each other and soothed one too many bumps and freak outs, just when it starts to get old ... well, the P's come home. And then there is that blissful morning when Tim and I snuggle in bed until 8 because the boys are in Omi and Opa's room having brekky and watching a show or reading a book and our world is still for a few moments.

This time they came home with my baby sister in tow along with her stellar man. A long weekend was in order as she had yet to meet her new niece. It prompted a weekend of family gathering, tracking down the Kogi bbq truck for mind blowing food, an impromptu museum tour of the nearby BMW car collection

Then the farmer's market and too much food at dinner. Family time.



It was a loud and fun and funny weekend and the rain did not dampen anything. Instead it allowed her to bake with my big boys and snuggle long hours with sweet sweet Havana.

Em and Michael each had a chance to the bedtime routine with the boys which is crazy but a must-have experience right now due to hilarious bedtime yarns and shadow puppet play.

These days reminds me that yes, it can be tough at times to juggle the sheer amount of people we number as a family. There is always some form of chaos and a little tension here and there. Old roles are always easy to fall into but it seems to happen less and less as we all realize that we can be grown ups.



These are the times when I realize that this is it. That there is no other bliss to seek. Goals are nice, ideas are grand and dreams are necessary. But where there is LOVE, so so much love, then you found it. Unconditional love given with as little conditions as possible ... well, then you are really living.

It is no wonder the heart of my dreams to move North is to land us closer to the units that have broken off and fled Southern California. Because as they head North, they take large parts of my heart with them and I am not sure I can resolve to stay that way for too much longer.

Especially not with a new Northern niece and nephew on the way. More on that later ...


And you, Memmers? I love you and cannot wait to see what the next year brings you. Basitas form your big sister.

Christmas Past

I am feeling a little shocked at the passing of the Holiday. It feels like it flew past this year and there was not much time to process and yet, yet it also felt just right.

The Christmas weekend was a whirl of tradition and exhaustion. We spent Thursday night with good friends and family, eating pizza and strolling all the littles up to a ridiculously elaborate Christmas extravaganza of lights. The name of the street is Thoroughbred and people come from far and away to walk the 5 or 6 blocks.



There are some homes that literally sag under the weight of their decorations and there are people in their driveways with cocoa and tamales and brownies. Oh, the brownies. I almost bought a whole pan but stopped at 4 because that was enough for a taste for each person in the party. I loved the way the boys fixated on the home featuring the Grinch (their new favorite Christmas character). And then we arrived home from the long walk and lo and behold, there is the Grinch on TV with the little wHOS holding hands and singing with great joy and aplomb.

And Christmas Eve with its preparation and the family party on Tim's side. His extended family is Hispanic and they gather with a huge dinner and a bar devoted to tequila (Patron Silver, one shot, thank you very much). Family that we only see once a year, but after 16 years running, they are family nonetheless. The old are getting older and more frail, their speech rambling and sometimes incoherent. The middles (we in our 30s and 40s) laugh and compare the gory notes of parenthood and joblessness. The young sneak beers and cigarettes in the back yard, slipping up to the tequila table discreetly. And the very little, well, this year we entered the door and then did not see them for a long long time. This is when you reap the benefits of a huge family with another set of twins. This video is the only thing I shot before getting swept up in the fun, O passed out and tortured, pretty funny actually.



And then finally finally Christmas morning. I woke at 7 a.m. with not a creature stirring. Not one in a house of people. Might have had something to do with going down at 11 for the boys, 2 a.m. for us. Always the last minute wrappers, we are. But then the boys woke and the fun started.



Santa on the fire truck, stockings, then breakfast and presents, a walk, Grandpa Jim's with another breakfast and mimosas. It was a good good day. And me, the Santa ain't real girl, was totally delighted by the fact that the boys believed Santa heard their requests for 1) Dora and Diego figures 2) a few rescue Heroes 3) Pillow Pets and 4) Crazy racer cars. So, thanks Santa GP Mona and Nick and Santa Auntie Libby and Santa GP Jim and Carol. You made their Christmas shine.

Noel con Havana

I am not a big fan of the baby infant stage. All that purposeless limb flailing and constant need for head support. They need so much milk and usually their mama is the only one to provide that. Not much to interact with either, all that sleeping then fussing then pooping. They are so much more fun when they learn to roll, sit up, walk.

These are the myths I have been telling myself for a few years, since the boys left their baby infant phase. It took just one morning with my newest niece Havana to dash those myths to bits. Because I do love baby infants (much to my own relief).

Christmas morning and breakfast is ready. She settles slowly onto my shoulders, adjusting to my smell and feel. Her mama needs two hands for a few minutes to feed herself as she is running low on fuel after days of newborn + sick baby. Havana fusses and then with a few pats, a burp of relief bubbles up and her body relaxes, she slumps to sleep in my arms, head at the awkward angle that is only comfortable for the very young and boneless. And she stays there as I eat my burrito one handed, dropping bits of egg and bacon on her downy dark head.

My arm begins to ache and then slowly begin to adjust to the warm soft weight, a feeling that was light years away until it just wasn't .. until it was just familiar again.



Later she wakes up and we lay her on the couch, letting her little limbs flex and extend. We coo and coddle her, watch her eyes catch the black line of that picture frame, the bright shine of the Christmas lights. Her arms pump and stretch, hands gripping in that newborn grasp, not purposeless just unskilled, untrained and untested. And I start to remember my fascination with watching my newborns as the world became theirs.

Her Uncles pass her around, their arms huge around her swaddled body. I caught them one by one as they took time to meet the newest little of our tribe.





And then we do our Christmas walk (during which she has the mother of all poop blow outs which requires emergency changing on the park table). And then she goes home, her first family Christmas complete.

What does all this Baby Love mean? Certainly not another for me. Just the secure knowledge that I like them, these new people joining our family. A good thing as there are two more on the way, set to join in the festivities of Christmas 2011. And the knowledge too that this is what family is ... the recognition of souls that belong together, that found each other and that harmonize as well as any Church choir or band of angels.





It was a good Christmas.

House Opened

We held our annual Open House early this year. My plan was to avoid the nuttiness of house prep plus Christmas countdown by scheduling it early. Last year I was in the midst of cleaning when folks starting showing up but it was still fun. This year I knew I wanted to try to find some time to actually spend with my lovely friends and family. Well, that did happen. A little bit.

Sure, 2/3rds of it I was doing something, whether it was rolling lumpias or searching in vain for that beer I just put down right there, but all in all it was a wonderful Open House.

I have insisted on the tradition since we bought this house, this childhood home of mine. We do not practice a religious holiday any more but I realized the why of the Open House just this year. While I was growing up, my family participated in the Catholic church quite a bit. I was raised with the tradition of Advent which in our Church consisted of 4 families choosing each other and spending the four Sundays before the holiday of Christmas gathering at each residence. We would come together after mass, Advent booklet in hand, read through the book and discuss the miraculous event to come... and then eat. And eat. And eat.


I've known this girl since she was born. She still hates the camera
There was always some type of magic in it for me. Wondering which families would group with us. Then wondering what food they would have on their turn. Exploring some other families space (I was nosy even then). It was exciting and a fitting way to slowly prepare for what then was a holiday much more about the birth of a baby then the stuff under the tree.


Havana, my sister in law and her mama

Although we do not practice the religious aspect now, I still find myself clinging to the desire to slowly invite the celebration that is Christmas into our lives. And I realize I crave that gathering of families. It is why I open our doors every year, clean house, make the laborious lumpia (which will blow your socks off, but takes a team effort to create). It fills me up and makes this time seem much more about family than consuming. Well, it still is about consuming, just in a food way, not a stuff way.

I think next year might actually be our last in this house, in this area, in fact.


It made the party seem even sweeter, the idea that next year could see a goodbye to so many of the people that all live so close. It makes it bittersweet and I think come November of next year, I might start canvassing the friends and family and find three others that want to open their home and have us, this community that we are, come together.


Here is to home, hearth and happiness.

Thanks.

Nothing new, but I am so thankful for these boys.





Moments like this, when it all seems possible ...



Or like this when doll stuffing becomes Santa's beard (the same Santa he shunned just hours earlier.



And that I live in a place where one Sunday we can be at the beach and the next Saturday facing the prospect of being snowed in for a day or two.



Happy Thanksgiving weekend, folks. Hope I feel the same way in a day or two of being trapped with kids in a cabin. While watching fresh powder fall knowing there will be no boarding on said pow involved.

But sledding, well, we can still do that.

Hallow'Een

The boys did not don home made Mama costumes this year. There was no luxury of time for that. I did manage to squeeze in a quick sewing session to make caps for their respective chosen costumes. The Buzz was a hand-me-down from their Auntie Libby and cousins. The Spidey guy came for 1.59 from the thrift store.


They spent the month in a frenzy of Creating ... at home, in school, avidly talking about spiders that live in our home and pumpkin pie that we still have to make.

They spent the actual day with their beloved neighbor girls ... all of them dressed and giddy and demanding the continuing of candy getting until all at once, they all decided they were done.



Owen even handed a piece back to the little old man and told him "No sanks, me no meed any more candy today."

We spent a good part of the night with good friends, I assumed candy passing to the hordes of children (literally hordes, think Disneyland-like lines) that come to the old town part of our city.

It felt good, right, fun, even though I feel more weary than I can ever remember.


This month held a lame attempt at disclosure, a return to full time work, a law suit, a birthday and birthday party (dude, my best friend gifted me with 4 bras, all awesome and cute and told me to try harder. I love my best friend), a visit from their Gramma and Halloween. I am still reeling.

But I am so glad in the chaos we remembered to catch them as they move through yet another round of holiday love. And next year one of them is going to wear my brilliant (and as of yet un-made) costume idea. I swear it.

(One thing I am proud of, though, is that they are using their homemade cloth spider bags for candy gathering... a little nod to tradition and making).


Now if only they would stop asking for the candy that I told them I threw away. Wink wink.

Playing Catch Up

The Playtime title might be a little misleading...there has been precious little time to get all the Play I want into our daily lives. The boys? They play all day, of course. That is what three year olds with no obligations or schedule are wont to do. Me? Since our return from the uber trip I have had to make myself ultra available for work in order to, let's say, catch up.

And so work work work has been going on and very little blog blog blogging. For me, blogging is my playtime and I have missed it a bit. But when those Play moments are spare I like to choose to devote them to offline time and that is where I have been. Mainly.

I know I said I would make some time for trip posts but that time feels long gone. It was a good trip. We went many many places, the boys loved it and I already miss the feel of unpacking our lives in a new space every few days. I finally sat down to look through the 'real' pictures from the trip on the desktop and I found a few that I loved. Something about the clarity of a good shot from a real camera... it strikes the memory and I can almost smell the air in each location.


Bellingham, WA


Orcas, WA


Whistler, Canada
A playground


A boy. Named Owen.


Found heart.

Can you miss a place that you have never really lived and don't truly know? I think so. One thing that was clarified in that trip is the desire to head North again. Next year, Summer 2011, we will try to go and stay for months and months if we can. What a dreamy idea. And what I have learned is put the dream out there to let it breathe.

So there was that. Now I will tackle the 4th. I was almost a perfect repeat of last year; town parade, town fair, town fireworks. We really just stayed close to home and walked everywhere with the stroller which was great fun in itself. I wore a dress. And spent time with the family. Here is the evidence....My fave ore the ones with my sister.




I love how ridiculously happy we look. I think we were.


He made the hat at Library Hour. With Daddy. Makes me so proud. Which is kinda' ridiculous too.


The Lindy sisters do-whopping (or something).


Does not like pony. Absolutely does not.


Absolutely adores the pony...he is shining in his happiness, right?

Okay, so now that I have that out of my system, I will return to some semblance of regular posting round here. Or not. Just depends on work. Family. The gym (oooh, we are new best friends and I have been taking a weight 'lifting/sculpting' class and I am not sure if it is helping but I love it and feel awfully powerful). The library and the actual reading of books (Goodreads, are you on it??). Stuff, you know.

But I miss this sometimes and you my ether friends. So say hi if you would.

From the Road :: II

We have arrived at our second destination, the next leg of our trip north. I am starting to see a pattern to the travels :: zoos and family. In the last week or so we have been to two small rescue zoos and seen countless family members, and I think I am liking the pattern so far.

Family, I think we all know how important it is in our lives. Tim's family lives in Portland and it has been years since our last visit and I should not have been surprised to be greeted by two grown boys but I was. I remember my first nephew being born, and then the younger playing with his Mama's oven mitts in the middle of their kitchen on our first visit to Portland. Now, they take themselves off to school on the bus and unearth all their old Matchbox cars and videos for my young boys. Surreal.

It has been a bit blustery and rainy and we are glad for the welcome and shelter and comfort of a home. The boys alternate between "me stay here forever" and "me go to my home?" and we are finding a new rhythm to the day that includes much later bedtimes and earlier wake ups than ever before as I finally abandoned hauling around black out curtains. Note to self :: If you ever have another do not utilize black out curtains. It will make your life easier in the end.

I am keeping up with daily iPhone pictures posted to Flickr...so far on a daily basis. I might get it up here if I visit an Apple store today to resolve some sync issues that my lil' baby is having. For now the set of pictures is here ::

Uber Trip North

And here are a few that I love ::


(rescued screech owl (behind glass)


Freezing rain on Mt Saint Helens. 30 years since the eruption.


Silly Boys.

Yoga and Motherhood

I know Mother's Day is somewhat arbitrarily declared and I do believe we should appreciate and embrace Mamahood on any given day. Having said that, initially I wanted to mark the day with a brunch celebrating the mothers in my life, a gathering at home with good food and good friends. I quickly scratched that idea once I realized that I did not want to be cleaning up the house for company the day before, especially as we have climbed into a state of disarray as we try to pack.

Then the loveliest of things came my way. I received an email from my yoga instructor about a planned gathering on Sunday...a classmate wanted to bring the yoga people together and sent out an open invite. My first reactions was, Huh? Who is this guy? I have been practicing for at least three years with the same folks but do not know many by name, just by sight... But then I took a moment to think about it and I realized I wanted to know these people more. Not to mention the Indian theme dinner would allow for me to make my favorite (not really) Indian dish of Tikki Masala (do not follow the salt measures, waaay too much). So, I said yes.

Yesterday rolled around and I had a lovely brekky of coffee and breakfast burritos from Bravo Burgers (killer good), then went to a long yoga class, met Andrew the host by name (turns out he is from Perth, a place not many have been, but that I actually have) and returned home to two raging three year olds and a dutch oven to fill with tikki goodness. We set out to the neighboring town a little after 3 and were welcomed into a home that borders the canyon and had a hugely sprawling backyard FULL of animals. Andrew has a little farm in the back of his regular looking suburban home :: goats and mini horses, big horses and chickens, rabbits, desert turtles, ducks and geese and alpaca.



(They do not look all that thrilled here but they were warming up).

The boys were in heaven as we wandered about the property finding animals to meet. And I finally MET the people that I regularly practice with.

They were all really lovely people and we talked and ate and did yoga on the lawn with kids rolling around our feet. I met the grandchildren of my yoga instructor, two rowdy but awesome boys named Jake and Dirk (8 and 6) and they turned into total twin boy monitors, guiding my boys up and down the steep inclines (right through the manure pile EVERYTIME) and teaching them how to gently catch chickens. Everyone was so gracious and connected...it made me realize how much we know each other just by the intimacy of regular practice, but the filling in of the gaps was wonderful.

It turned out to be just what I have needed, a reconnection to the concrete world, an opening to what is already there in front of me. A possibility for more kinship and deeper practice. I have felt so engaged in Life lately and that feels really really good.

Yesterday was a reminder to take that chance, accept that invite, extend that invite, embrace that not so strange stranger.

But don't think I missed out on Mama's day. I saw a tweet from Andrea at Superhero Journal about select necklaces for sale and the boys helped me pick (finally) and it came just in time. I find it hard to take off.


And then I received the most wonderful of packages from my friend Kat (also Australian, how about them Aussies?) chcck full of goodness including choc choc.


I do hope you found your day special whether you are the Mama or honouring the Mama. Much love and namaste. I'll leave you with one of my favorite moments in my Mama world...