Fear and Freedom

I have to chuckle a bit after reading the last post. Somehow I thought I would find the time to write in the maelstrom that is life on the road. It feels as if I wrote that post months past and a minute ago. And tomorrow it is time to head back South, somewhat weary from the time away but also very very changed.


The last few weeks have solidified some very important beliefs that Tim and I hold, the most important being that we have to move. Not want to, not going to, but HAVE to. It was a multi-purpose trip with riding and family and yoga but the crux was spending time in our future home to make sure it should be our Future.


What we found still makes me smile. The people at the checkout counter smiled and took moments for conversation or to speak with our boys. The ice cream shop teenagers asked my kids which color spoon they preferred. The library has felt boards and tolerant smiles and The New Yorker shelved right next to Farm and Grain and Organic Homesteading. It felt like our Utopia.



Sure, people still cut each other off a bit and snarls of traffic could be found in some places. But it did not feel hick or wrong or closed. It felt right. And the homes we were able to visit sealed the deal, places with some breathing room and old oaks and veggie plots, one was even right next to a family winery (which might be a dangerous situation if the tasting room is open frequently). We did not find our home but I instead we found our Place, and the home will follow.


So now, to take the plunge. There are 5 PT positions open in the very nearby area, my parents are eager to move and the house we live in is (almost) in a salable condition. My heart squeezes and thumps harder as I write this but it feels possible.


I did a full day of yoga on Thursday, it just so happened a HUGE yearly festival coincided with out return this week. I worked through three 2 hour classes over the course of the day and still feel a bit hobbled. But I will tell you, each class I chose did something to me. One literally churned my insides, teaching me to reshape my inner body and strength to support the outer. One taught me to fly on the backs and hips and hands of other yogis. And the last gave insight into teaching and branding yoga and all the nuances that exist as the practice of yoga moves into common consciousness.


During my Acroyoga class the tiny full voiced teacher Jenny discussed the form with us. We spoke of releasing fear and her comment still sits in my heart today. "Fear and Freedom are two sides of the same Coin". And they are. I would like to think I am listening carefully enough to the Universe and its message. And though we have to return much deeper south than I would prefer, I want to continue to stoke this fire and freedom as we thread back into our lives in our current Home.

So many memorable moments from the trip but for now I just want to marinate in this newly found conviction.

Thai massage demo. That was some yoga day, let me say. Also, I discovered I can do this to Tim. And that makes me feel so powerful and him so loved.

From the Road

Sheepishly trying to jump back in ...

It is mid-July and we are in the first few days of our long weeks away. We worked our asses off for this, juggling the boys and the stress and trying to remain calm and trying to get all the proverbial ducks in a row before leaving.

For once I finished every bit and speck of paperwork and left the office Wednesday free of work laptop and work obligations, shedding the layers of patient care and responsibility gratefully. Instead we hauled a big box containing our new HP faux-iMac up on which I type right now. I am deeply in love with it already.

We are planning days here at Tahoe where Tim will ride and ride and shed some of the layers of stay-at-home-dad-starting-a-fledgling-business-in-his-'spare'-time. I will try to hold my sanity as I spend the days with my energetic and lovely but often trying boys. I will also seriously contemplate checking them into the Northstar Kids Day Camp even if it stretches the budget.

This is the place we want to be forever, not Tahoe proper but its rolling foothills, sitting at the base of our very favorite place on Earth. So we will go down the hill and talk to our realtor and search the area for our new home and our new jobs and new schools. It is so scary to say that out loud but I know now is the time to just say it. When we hit the Right Place on the 80 we both looked at each other and smiled because it felt like coming home. And there is just no denying it anymore.

So we will play for a few weeks with a few obligations here and there. And I hope to muster up some writing around here with all this spare time, my trial of Lightroom, my trusty camera and acres of pretty things to look at.

These pictures were my first foray into using Lightroom, a program I think I am going to love. I like how it made the mundane moments before vacation still seem a little bit special.