An Open Letter to the Father of my Children

Hey there, pardner.

I apologize in advance as I am feeling kinda' sentimental today. Also, I didn't get you anything for Father's Day so I want to make it up to you...


Your Birthday 2011

So, a few years ago you became a dad. Let's make that capital DAD, and it has been more than a few years. Four, to be exact. And you came into it with twins so therefore it was with guns blazing. From Day 1 you have done 50% and sometimes more. 2 years ago you became a Stay At Home and there has yet to be a moment that I have had doubt.

You do it differently than I, this parenting thing. You do not yell as much but you also do not cook as much. You take them to the park for three hours while my limit is 60 minutes. You teach them about tools and wood and outside stuff. You eschew routine but get them to school on time when I cannot. You hold them gently when they need and they turn to you at least 50% of the time if not more.

You have always been my equal in parenting but no one else can be their Dad. You were meant for them and they for you. You teach them daily what it is to be male, to be a good man and they learn by your very example. They learn to be kind and quiet, withholding judgement and anger. They learn to lead by example and be strong in a different way than they might learn from another man. And I know these lessons will serve them well as they walk into life, they will become men that hold deep respect for their lives, their wives and their world. And you teach them that.


Boys June 2008


All my boys 2008


I had no idea what kind of father you would be, you the young guy that would never hold the babies I thrust at you to help you 'practice'. You told me once you did not feel comfortable because they were not yours. And yet, the day they handed you a 4 pound child you just did it, myconium dipe and all. And have never stopped. You can kiss any booboo, wipe any butt explosion and do bedtime and storytime better than the rest. And now I can watch you hold your nieces, look these new babies in the eye and show all that you have become in the last 4 years in those moments.

You are better than me, you are more than I could ever ask for, you are beautiful in your ways, in your unique and perfect ways. The only thing I would wish for you is this; remember you are important. You are their Father but also more than just that. You deserve time for Yourself, time on your bike flowing with your trails, time in your shop making your beauty, time to be You. Tim, not just dad. You have the job down, boy, and you will never ever be laid off, I promise. Remember your promise to me, 21 days on your bike. Remember that you are loved no matter what.

And last but certainly not least, remember that I know these things every day not just today.


Boys June 2011


All my boys 2011

I love you, MCD. You hold more than just my heart now. You hold theirs.

A [Mama's] Day

Camping, Park Play, Ojai, Drive Home ... Sick kids now. But fun while it lasted


Photo credit :: Mace

Tidbits

Thought I would share a few fun things as I try to get back on the blogging horse.

Patchwork. I started this a long time ago, called it my Summertime Pretty Patchwork quilt to be. All those squares became a little overwelming so I put it away. After finishing the boys' quilt, all of a sudden, it seemed doable. So out it came. Happy to say the quilt top is almost there and I have a great thrifted vintage sheet for the backing so a nice Summer time quilt may actually be on the bed by Spring.


365. It continues to make me happy. Happy happy happy. I forgot how great it is to takes pictures. I also realize I see the world in saturated technicolor. No matter what, I can't seem to edit the color that seeps into almost every frame.


Painting. The house is getting a makeover slowly but surely. I spent a few days with pots of sample paint, swatching over every wall and hall and surface. The paint is mixed and wall prep is on its way and now we just have to remain vigilant and watch the ruffians. Today I found they had lugged a gallon into the house, had my fine new Purdy brush out and were in the process of puzzling out how to use the paint key that the folks at Home Depot gave them for being such great fellows at the paint counter. (Not all the colors are going on the wall, just the grey and red and the rest of the place will stay in the Navajo white color scheme).


Favorite new app ever. ToonPaint. Take any photo and convert it into comic greatness. This is perfect for two little boys obsessed with Superman, Batman and Spidey.



(FYI : I don't think Mace is intentionally giving us the finger, he prefers his middle digit for pointing and such. Certainly makes him look too cool for school though.)

Shift :: Perspective

I think I have made the resurgence of love for photography abundantly clear round these parts. I am still finding great joy in picking up the 'real' camera on a daily basis because I love what it does to my mind and its eye.


The interesting thing about this month past was the way taking a picture a day changed my perspective about living in general. I find photos such a conduit into the seeing of the day, looking through the lens has a way of literally reframing the hours and there is so much power and joy in it.


But. Because there is always a but, right? (Which makes me immediately think about Mace and his absolute obsession with potty matters and pee and poo. He was instructed recently by my Mom to go into the bathroom if he aboslutely must say things about pee and poo because the bathroom is for potty matters, and oh the relish with which he goes into the bathroom now ... but I digress)...

So the but of the matter is the equipment because people that love taking photos also really love the stuff that takes the photos. Right now we have a fixed 24mm 1.4 lens which rocks the world in all ways a really nice fixed wide angle lens can, but (there it is again), I have looked through that lens for many many a day. I broke our 50mm last year and the 24 is the only thing we have for the Canon DSLR body. I took it upon myself to look into other lovely lenses from Canon because who doesn't like to dream. In my lookings I found a few reviews on the 100 mm macro 2.8 L series lens. Oh, macro. Oh, pretty pretty L series. Oh, Samy's camera Pasadena that will rent a 2K lens for 20 bucks for the weekend.



We picked it up on Friday and I spent more time photographing flowers than I have in a long time.

What a huge perspective shift. With the 24 mm we get up in the faces of every subject, sometimes mere inches. With the 100 mm I have to stand across the room if not the house to frame out a person shot.


The macro. Oh, swoon, the macro.

It is an awesome and totally impractical lens. it weighs a hefty bit and the barrel it terribly conspicuous. But (I really should head off to the bathroom myself) the speed and the clarity and the macro, did I mention the macro yet?

It was a good lesson in shifting. In letting the lens speak to me and force me back, out of the picture, far enough away to catch moments that might fade because of the intrusion of a google-y eyed wide angle lens. If I had the cash, I would drop it right here, on this lens, weight and length be damned.

But, (heehee) we do not. Next to join is the nifty 50, and this beautiful baby will head back into the rental bins at Samy's, tucked back into its shelf until the next time the mood strikes to pull back and focus forward.



And as a little PSA, always remember to look into your local photo shop and find out if they have rentals. It is such an awesome way to play with equipment that is out of daily reach due to outrageously high price tags.

I made up a Flickr set here for the 100 mm weekend if you'd like to see more. Happy shooting, folks.

Ah, Youth

You know, sometimes you see pictures of yourself and you see those limbs that used to bend and flex so loosely, the same limbs you see on your own children now and you wonder that your own body could have ever been that free, that open.




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And then you wake up every morning feeling like you have a slight hangover and your feet hit the earth and you cry out a little in pain as you hobble to the bathroom, gently stretching out the low back that twinges as you bend.



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You keep going to those gym classes, the ones with the pulsing beat music as your light weights change from 3.5# to 5# then 7.5# and you feel stronger and powerful. But still a little thick.


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You decide that the number doesn't really matter, the 5 that will follow the 3...feel silly and indulgent. Then you look at those pictures again, on the same cul-de-sac that your children now play. And know that their loose supple limbs rest in the very same room your tiny ones once did. And sometimes you still rest there too but those limbs now cramp or go to sleep when they are flung over your head in sleep.






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You wonder about the way photos capture the wonder of youth... the easy way the knees locked without pain, the swing swung without fear of jumping and the thud of the feet.




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And you joke with your parents over coffee that someday, not too far from this moment, your children may be driving their Omi and Opa around because they cannot. Or maybe even driving me.


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Words ARE Power

I mentioned that I had an opportunity to meet Karen Walrond. She photoblogs at Chookooloonks and uses it for much more than photos. I first found her because of Andrea Scher from Superhero Journal. Andrea is my personal dreaming Muse, an example of a person dreaming in action and sharing it every step of the way. I love this group of blogging women for their ability to harness and share their energy and I find endless inspiration in their message.

When I realized Karen was at the conference I got a little giddy and nervous. She happened to be part of the Friday night Gala event, a interactive party with stations for people to participate in the art showing. I love stuff like that, when we as viewer are drawn deeper into the experience via sharing. Karen was writing messages on the arms and necks and hands of women and I slipped into line to wait.


I was not having a good day. Bad hangover + city dwelling + nerves = Not so great. There was a woman in line ahead of me and I remember thinking I have to talk to someone or I am going to start sobbing (thanks to the Keynote, I had already released the floodgates). I asked her if I could take her picture while Karen wrote on her and she was lovely and said yes.




Her name is Dana, I discovered she has twins plus two more and I know now she is my friend for life and that it was no accident that I turned to her. She blogs at FeastafterFamine and absolutely shone under Karen's hand.





Then it was my turn and I got the hug I so desperately needed but when Karen asked me what I wanted on me I could only think....Shit, I am going to start crying. shit shit shit. Her energy is beyond and it was like a embrace from my mom and I could not find words.

Then she asked me what I like to do, what I am and I said .... "I make things". And that is what we went with. And by the last letter, I somehow felt better.




I had been telling people all day who had no idea what I do, where I blog, or who I am about my online space. I always just ended up saying, "Ah, I make a lot of stuff". Articulate, I know. But it was articulate when it was placed on my arm.



I did not stay much longer at the Gala. I grabbed a few more shots of the art and places that were set up so lovingly for us.










And then I scooted to the lobby to catch the train downtown. But before I was out I ran into Dana by the exit doors and we had a few more minutes to find that connection and acknowledge that we are part of the same tribe, I felt it click in my heart when the words " twins garden tribe cameras " tumbled out of both of our mouths.

And then I went back to my old neighborhood, my old apartment at 151 Ridge Street below Houston between B and C and I marveled at the gentrification of a place I once called home.







But that, my friends, is a story for another day.

(Just realized my one week in NYC has given me fodder for weeks and weeks of blogs posts.... sweet).

P.S :: If you have time please follow the link to the Community Keynight blog posts. They are literally stunningly breathtakingly good.

P.P.S :: The full Flickr set is HERE for Blogher10 FRiday.