RIP Steve. From the Eye of a Little.

Do you let your children play with your iPhone? We do.

It is a great babysitter. Well, not babysitter. But, it is great, you know? They, with their facile minds, just get the iPhone. It was made for them, for their small swiping fingers and lateral thinking. For the last year my small ones, the ones I swore would never have their own cell phones until 35, have usurped, explored, played. I know Steve Jobs; the man maker genius, is gone. But oh god, what he left us.

Mace has fingers that fly. I am constantly amazed by his ability to process the way the iPhone works. He inherently 'gets' it and I barely keep up when he is teaching me just how to beat the next level of Angry Birds. But he also loves the camera. I would like to think we have encased our precious little babies (read:iPhones) in steel so we regularly turn them over for their exploration.

Mace takes pictures. 100s. When I tap Camera Roll I am simultaneously dismayed and amazed. I love his eye. Follows some of the pictures I found today on my Roll, eye by Mace, processing by Mama.






Thanks, Steve. For giving (much more) facile minds a way to express themselves. Your Stanford speech resonates in me in more way than one.

*** Used the Cameramatic app to 'enhance' Mason's photos/ which is even more evidence of the lasting impact of Jobs/ that y'all know what that means.

From the Road

Sheepishly trying to jump back in ...

It is mid-July and we are in the first few days of our long weeks away. We worked our asses off for this, juggling the boys and the stress and trying to remain calm and trying to get all the proverbial ducks in a row before leaving.

For once I finished every bit and speck of paperwork and left the office Wednesday free of work laptop and work obligations, shedding the layers of patient care and responsibility gratefully. Instead we hauled a big box containing our new HP faux-iMac up on which I type right now. I am deeply in love with it already.

We are planning days here at Tahoe where Tim will ride and ride and shed some of the layers of stay-at-home-dad-starting-a-fledgling-business-in-his-'spare'-time. I will try to hold my sanity as I spend the days with my energetic and lovely but often trying boys. I will also seriously contemplate checking them into the Northstar Kids Day Camp even if it stretches the budget.

This is the place we want to be forever, not Tahoe proper but its rolling foothills, sitting at the base of our very favorite place on Earth. So we will go down the hill and talk to our realtor and search the area for our new home and our new jobs and new schools. It is so scary to say that out loud but I know now is the time to just say it. When we hit the Right Place on the 80 we both looked at each other and smiled because it felt like coming home. And there is just no denying it anymore.

So we will play for a few weeks with a few obligations here and there. And I hope to muster up some writing around here with all this spare time, my trial of Lightroom, my trusty camera and acres of pretty things to look at.

These pictures were my first foray into using Lightroom, a program I think I am going to love. I like how it made the mundane moments before vacation still seem a little bit special.

Wahe Guru

Something happened to me today. And it was wonderful.

Ten days ago I made a committment to practice yoga for 21 days. Every day. The decision was prompted by a Yoga Journal article from January of this year. I skimmed it and realized I needed to do this. And so I embarked on daily yoga practice. I did not think it would be such a big deal. I usually take 3 or 4 classes a week, have practiced in some form since I was about 10.



I was so wrong.

I am in Day 10 and something happened to me today that has not happened in a very long time.



I finished my asana practice and settled in to savasana, relaxing into meditation state. I was listening to a beautiful piece called Wahe Guru by Mantra Girl. And then I felt it. You can call it prana or qi or Life force but it began to resonate in my hands, my hands open at my sides as I lay supine. It built, the heat and life. I felt it and tentatively invited it in and then it moved slowly, waves of it up through my wrists and then through the crook of my slightly bent elbows, up through my biceps and the hollow of my armpit and the waves from each arm met and crested and enveloped my heart, pulsing with more than beats now.

I was weeping, completely present and completely overwhelmed. And I felt a connection that I have not felt in many many years. A connection to everything, and then to Nothing. The song faded out and I slowly came to sitting and gratefully curled forward, bowing namaste to the trees framed by the window in the room where I was practicing.



I came out to my boys, usually so animated, quietly playing with legos. Tim was on an errand and I just sat with them, letting the experience settle into me, expecting it to go. And yet it stayed, has stayed, I can feel it this minute while I type.

I looked up the Sanskrit translation of Wahe Guru, it means 'Wonderful Teacher', interpreted sometimes as god. I realize I want to feel that way everyday, every moment but there is also the realization that I am not sure I could remain that open and function. I am glad to know where to find it again, to fill the well.



Getting on the mat daily, practicing the asanas I love and also the ones I hate has shifted something inside of me. It is making me a diffrent person. I feel both frightened and encouraged by this as I feel it strip away and strengthen the core, not just the physical one but also the one that lies at the very heart of my Self.

Daily yoga is directly changing my life right now. A part of me is astonished that it took me so long to find this shift. Another part wants to learn Sanskrit. And another is just so grateful for those moments today.

[En]raptured

Yeah, yeah. Could not resist. It's just that I did wonder a little, you know?
But rather than go down the line of commenting on the latest failed prediction of the end of the world as we know it, I thought I would put up a few pictures that I have been, well, raptured by lately.

Flowers, what is it about the things that just make me feel 'beauty' as it should be? I love the full blown roses just as much the wild nasturium and the tiny blooms from an herb. They are just all good.




"Tell me what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Mary Oliver




It is a good question even when not cast in the light of doomsday predictions. I think I mentioned I am taking Mondo Beyondo again. I need a catalyst, something to remind me that dreaming is okay, that asking the Universe to help us is okay.

I will be posting Mondo stuff over at my 'other' site, if only to be able to track this process a little easier. Feel free to drop in anytime and maybe join in if you feel like it is time to find out just what it is you dream about. If you click the link over on the sidebar it will take you to registration, week 0 just ended and week 1 begins Monday so there is time to hop in (I think :)

365 :: One Third

The day I started 365 I had some apprehension. I wondered where I would find the time to take and upload and process and post a picture. I wondered if I would quit.



It seems like it was a blink ago but counting the days by number shows you that one third of 2011 has passed by and there is something magical about having captured one moment from each of those days.

I made it to Day 100 before I missed a day. And the only day I missed was 101. Both days were a milestone. 100 becuase it just sounds awesome. 101 because I made myself shrug off the miss and I will always remember on that day we hiked with all 4 of the newest generation and we laughed and the family was together in the way I dream that we might be in 2012 or 2013 if we are lucky.

The powerful pull of images keeps me coming back to my camera, happy to play and crete and sometimes capture a moment that I can feel awfully proud about. This one because he is snapping the shirt buttons and because I did not cry to see him so grown.


365 :: 123

The slideshow is there so that in 120 more days I can find this post and realize it really was just a blink ago.

365 :: Caught

I've needed a little push with the camera the last few days so I thought I would gather the last 60 days. 60 days? Seems so quick and yet so many more to go. Already I love how the project365 allows days to be captured even if it is just one moment in the endless 24 hour cycle. Almost better than blogging. :)

3.6.5 :: January



3.6.5 :: February (plus 2)



There are so many things I would love to do better in the taking of photos. Better control of light. Better comprehension of subject. Less manipulation, more SOOC. New lens. Remote trigger. The list goes on.

At least I know I have 300+ days to address it all. Happy shooting, fellow devotees of daily photos.

Shift :: Perspective

I think I have made the resurgence of love for photography abundantly clear round these parts. I am still finding great joy in picking up the 'real' camera on a daily basis because I love what it does to my mind and its eye.


The interesting thing about this month past was the way taking a picture a day changed my perspective about living in general. I find photos such a conduit into the seeing of the day, looking through the lens has a way of literally reframing the hours and there is so much power and joy in it.


But. Because there is always a but, right? (Which makes me immediately think about Mace and his absolute obsession with potty matters and pee and poo. He was instructed recently by my Mom to go into the bathroom if he aboslutely must say things about pee and poo because the bathroom is for potty matters, and oh the relish with which he goes into the bathroom now ... but I digress)...

So the but of the matter is the equipment because people that love taking photos also really love the stuff that takes the photos. Right now we have a fixed 24mm 1.4 lens which rocks the world in all ways a really nice fixed wide angle lens can, but (there it is again), I have looked through that lens for many many a day. I broke our 50mm last year and the 24 is the only thing we have for the Canon DSLR body. I took it upon myself to look into other lovely lenses from Canon because who doesn't like to dream. In my lookings I found a few reviews on the 100 mm macro 2.8 L series lens. Oh, macro. Oh, pretty pretty L series. Oh, Samy's camera Pasadena that will rent a 2K lens for 20 bucks for the weekend.



We picked it up on Friday and I spent more time photographing flowers than I have in a long time.

What a huge perspective shift. With the 24 mm we get up in the faces of every subject, sometimes mere inches. With the 100 mm I have to stand across the room if not the house to frame out a person shot.


The macro. Oh, swoon, the macro.

It is an awesome and totally impractical lens. it weighs a hefty bit and the barrel it terribly conspicuous. But (I really should head off to the bathroom myself) the speed and the clarity and the macro, did I mention the macro yet?

It was a good lesson in shifting. In letting the lens speak to me and force me back, out of the picture, far enough away to catch moments that might fade because of the intrusion of a google-y eyed wide angle lens. If I had the cash, I would drop it right here, on this lens, weight and length be damned.

But, (heehee) we do not. Next to join is the nifty 50, and this beautiful baby will head back into the rental bins at Samy's, tucked back into its shelf until the next time the mood strikes to pull back and focus forward.



And as a little PSA, always remember to look into your local photo shop and find out if they have rentals. It is such an awesome way to play with equipment that is out of daily reach due to outrageously high price tags.

I made up a Flickr set here for the 100 mm weekend if you'd like to see more. Happy shooting, folks.

Hi.

Been a while since This blog space called to me. I am having so much fun with the camera and over at Flickr. 365 keeps me shooting daily and this is a good thing. I turned it around on myself last night before he headed out with friends and realized how uncomfortable I can feel in front of the lens. Also, I need to break out the Manfrotto and get a remote shutter click for SP in the future.


Last night we were with our friends, a celebration of my best friend's birthday. I kept the camera at hand the whole night, shooting and laughing and playing with these people that I love. And it made me recall how very much fun it is to do the party camera capture.


People are so happy when they gather and it serves for some great moments. I think that is the pull for so many behind the lens, that opportunity to capture the spark and joy that happens. And I love to be reminded the next day as I scan and click and adjust the happiness just a little this way, a little that.


Here is to falling in love with taking pictures yet again. A lot more than just shooting going on behind the scenes around here but for now I will leave you with one more. This is one I like to call Blue Steel....



Oh, how I love Zoolander.

A Week of B&W

It has been quite a week. I decided that I should switch my camera settings to B&W on Sunday and shoot a week of it for my 365. Talk about revelations.



Just for a little bit of context, Tim has been to school for photography. Back in the day when people still (gasp) shot film. His camera bag of old holds a medium format Pentax and a spot meter. The camera is all manual and that is what his eye is trained to see. Me? Always been one to sponge knowledge where I can, so I went out and about with him and queried about the Zone System to no end.

Then enter twins, no time or reaction time and enter DSLR. Which he railed against until streaking toddlers and a Canon f1.4 lens. And then we fell in love with digital and have not shot film in ages.


These ones are Tim's photos, btw.

He stills rocks the shot because he knows what he is doing. Not lazy like I am, not content to shoot Aperture priority and trust the bo-keh will make it look good. Nope. He shoots true. Even in digital. Especially in B&W because he understands Zone and knows his eye. And me? I still don't know what I am doing, not really.

I was looking over my 365 and noticed that the photos so far were really, er, saturated. I try not to 'fix' stuff too much in processing so I guess all that hot color is what my photographic eye sees. I thought it might be a good challenge to shoot 365 in B&W for a week. And boy, was it a challenge.

Do you know the Zone? Ansel Adams developed it as a way to help identify proper photographic exposure. Sounds dry but then you look at his photos and realize his genius. It is designed mostly for B&W but is applicable along all spectrums, all eyes. And it has made me think so much this week, about what I see, what my camera lens sees, what you see.

This week with my camera brought me to is a new place. A thinking place. Not thinking to get the best shot, because believe me, that was not happening. But a thinking place with my eye, my finger on the button, my composition and my camera.



Taking a picture a day has not been hard (she says 22 days in, haha). But taking a good picture a day. Aye, there's the rub. I'm keeping on because I love what 365 is doing for my drive to shoot photos but switching back to color for now.

Rip and Resow

Unlike many others out there, I do not mind the yearly making of resolutions. I always do better with a list and really, resolutions are just another one of those to me. I tend to make the list for the New Year, casual but with good intentions and then try not to sweat it too much when they do not all happen. Better to make the list and cross of a few then plod along without any change to greet this new happenstance, 2011.

A few days before the New Year we gathered in the 'garden' and surveyed the somewhat sorry state of affairs.


There were scads of basil bush gone to seed, old tomato vines curled upon themselves and peppers looking more than worse for the wear. There were also strawberry runners promising new fruit and some self seeded onions. It felt good to pull out old roots, scatter some basil seed liberally and take stock of what could be. Then the rain came in again, drenching it all. Plans for this year started to form and visions of an actual 'good' tomato harvest came to mind.



Then the weekend came and went as did the New Year, no lists written, the planned for vision board as suggested by Karen sinking to the bottom of the list that included storing Christmas stuff and digging out from under the laundry. But the list, those resolutions are there, simmering under the surface and waiting for a few moments with pen and ink and clear head that has more than 4 hours sleep in it.

The idea of doing Mondo Beyondo again came to mind a few weeks ago, but I did not pounce. I loved it so but feel as if I am still processing it even a full year later. But then I did find something I want to join, something that has intimidated me from the get-go. Project 365. Not of me, not my face, but of our lives, our daily life in and out and about. This fine lady and her video convinced me it was time. And so it has begun, Day 3 now.

I look forward to see the mundane and the special, the vertical change that may (or may not happen) with the boys, the subtle shift in facial expression and line that 365 days can bring. This may be a year of upheaval and opportunity, change and growth. Or it may just be 2011.

We will just have to see, right?

P.S. They are almost ripe. The New Year looks good so far, my friends, doesn't it?

Fruition

The roses are almost done here, the last of the blooms waning. This was in October when the flower became full and fragrant and caught my eye after a rain. The bush sits there, at the end of the drive, often overlooked but not on this day.This is how I wished I felt right now ... full and drenched in possibility.



And then there is this, this image. The trees at the park down the street, full of fruit not yet ripe. The crop will be ready in another month and the orchard will open for picking, bags and bags of citrus to be had. This is what I am right now, hanging out, full only of possibility and waiting for that day, that time when something comes to fruition.

It has been a frustrating few months. In truth, it feels like it has been a frustrating year. A year of catching my breath. Of remembering to breath. A year derailed in so many ways. I want to look at it and think I loved some parts of it. I know I did. But I also just want it to finish up and scoot out the door.

But that fruit ... I keep thinking about those unripe oranges. I want to believe that is what I am right now, all the potential for change and sweetness right there, just waiting for the right time to come ripe.

In Due Time

I've been taking pictures when I can. Pictures of people. Last month it was a boudoir session with two of my friends. That was fun and by the end we were giddy on wine and blushing a little bit upon review of the last pictures. Not many that I can post up here but this is one of my very favorite ones. The irony? It was a test shot and she has all her clothes on. Never know when you are going to get the right light.

But this month, oh, how happy I am with the pictures I took. They are the first time of have taken photos of a mama-to-be and her precious bebe. This is my sister in law Jeanette and we are all waiting for the day we get to meet her little one. She is so radiant and graceful, I marvel at this so late in her pregnancy. She is also holding up admirably well while their whole kitchen is gutted and rebuilt piece by piece, just mere days before her due date. That is a big WOW.



I love taking these photos. I want to do more. I am loving the idea of taking photos of scantily dressed ladies, then ones of lovely pregnant women. And I am wishing for more time to do just that.

A Month of Me :: No Mas

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol



They help. They hurt. It is all determined by the circumstance, the intake, the history, the person. I am voting yes on Prop 19 here in California because it is pot. Not junk or meth.
And I like beer. A lot.

I thought I would give a nod to the whole 30 day thing.

So, uh, I left the 30 day thing way back when because I got a regular (but temp) paying job a week back. It is lovely. It is mundane. It is different. It is money. It is breathe of fresh air into my practice which had become 'what it was' since the birth of my children.

It keeps me from them for more hours than I am accustomed to. I leave and now as the Fall approaches I come home sometimes close to dinner time. The light is limning. I am only wanting to see them.


Then I have to make dinner. Or jam in sewing. Or have a glass of wine. And then make dinner. Listening to Pandora set to The Smiths radio, of which I am all kinds of enamored right now. I think that has something to do with turning 35 next week and feeling my roots, you know?

And I ask myself "What is this? This excitement to work at my 'job' again?". Because this is good stuff. And they are good stuff, obviously. And the pull of guilt begins, as does the need to assuage the pull.



I do it through library books read to them, watching them play, letting them play, some wine and beer, talking to Tim about the pull, listening to my Mama fill me in their latest endeavors which I missed, talking to their teacher/my friend on the phone about their latest school endeavors, making dinner.



There is no road map for this life. This one that we are living. I mean, me and my family. There is no longer clarity; just this is what I want, this is what we need, this is what they need and this is what we can do. And the delicate balance of it all makes it that much more alive.

As do they. Oh, as do they.

*And really, on the drug and alcohol front, really? Who cares what I think? This is what happens when I sign on for some internettens 30 day thing.

All pictures by Tim. Just so you know.