Words ARE Power

I mentioned that I had an opportunity to meet Karen Walrond. She photoblogs at Chookooloonks and uses it for much more than photos. I first found her because of Andrea Scher from Superhero Journal. Andrea is my personal dreaming Muse, an example of a person dreaming in action and sharing it every step of the way. I love this group of blogging women for their ability to harness and share their energy and I find endless inspiration in their message.

When I realized Karen was at the conference I got a little giddy and nervous. She happened to be part of the Friday night Gala event, a interactive party with stations for people to participate in the art showing. I love stuff like that, when we as viewer are drawn deeper into the experience via sharing. Karen was writing messages on the arms and necks and hands of women and I slipped into line to wait.


I was not having a good day. Bad hangover + city dwelling + nerves = Not so great. There was a woman in line ahead of me and I remember thinking I have to talk to someone or I am going to start sobbing (thanks to the Keynote, I had already released the floodgates). I asked her if I could take her picture while Karen wrote on her and she was lovely and said yes.




Her name is Dana, I discovered she has twins plus two more and I know now she is my friend for life and that it was no accident that I turned to her. She blogs at FeastafterFamine and absolutely shone under Karen's hand.





Then it was my turn and I got the hug I so desperately needed but when Karen asked me what I wanted on me I could only think....Shit, I am going to start crying. shit shit shit. Her energy is beyond and it was like a embrace from my mom and I could not find words.

Then she asked me what I like to do, what I am and I said .... "I make things". And that is what we went with. And by the last letter, I somehow felt better.




I had been telling people all day who had no idea what I do, where I blog, or who I am about my online space. I always just ended up saying, "Ah, I make a lot of stuff". Articulate, I know. But it was articulate when it was placed on my arm.



I did not stay much longer at the Gala. I grabbed a few more shots of the art and places that were set up so lovingly for us.










And then I scooted to the lobby to catch the train downtown. But before I was out I ran into Dana by the exit doors and we had a few more minutes to find that connection and acknowledge that we are part of the same tribe, I felt it click in my heart when the words " twins garden tribe cameras " tumbled out of both of our mouths.

And then I went back to my old neighborhood, my old apartment at 151 Ridge Street below Houston between B and C and I marveled at the gentrification of a place I once called home.







But that, my friends, is a story for another day.

(Just realized my one week in NYC has given me fodder for weeks and weeks of blogs posts.... sweet).

P.S :: If you have time please follow the link to the Community Keynight blog posts. They are literally stunningly breathtakingly good.

P.P.S :: The full Flickr set is HERE for Blogher10 FRiday.

Re-entry

When I arrived home last night my boys were asleep. I crawled into the queen size bed that they share and studied their sleeping forms, laying in abandon in that sweet limp state. They had arms intertwined and heads on the same pillow and I sighed at the deliciousness. I breathed in the air of home and settled.

This week has brought about a profound change to my life and this cannot be denied. As a result this space is likely to change and move deeper into directions I have been shy of exploring. Shy of claiming. Shy of sharing.

I had left NYC in '98, 22 years old and ready to say goodbye. That City, she can be a bitch. I walked back into that same pulsing energy that is NY last Wednesday and felt almost crippled as I found that 22 year old woman/child/me on every familiar street, every corner store. I felt acutely invisible, bereft of my Tribe, swimming in a sea of a city where I had once lived as a long-term (and somewhat reluctant) visitor.

The first two days were hell in many ways and I thought about getting on the plane back home more than once. But I came through to the other side, just in time to truly embrace the opportunity that was being presented. The City, she can be a bitch but she can also be a generous queen, offering unlimited contact and richness of Life.

I am going to honor my time there with several posts over the next few days... not always about Blogher.... I promise.

This next bit is about Blogher 10 :: Day One.

That is the Bloggess' shapely foot...this is devotion)

I met a rock star and showered with her, met my friend Ry Pepper (her real name...how freaking cool) and hung out in the bathroom and watched the Bloggess get her shoe licked (dude, people loooooove that woman. For good reason), met the Eden's Fantasies ladies who were planning a awesome sex session. It all sounds a little more raunchy that it was.

And then I ended the night at a small Brooklyn space called Vox Pop, listening to a woman play her lute while she graciously allowed me to take her portrait.

Here's the slideshow and the set link.



Upon reflection, I can say it was a good day.

Blogher 2010 :: The Amiee Experience

So, I just sat down to start writing my Blogher recap post along with thousands of other women who attended the event this weekend. And I realized I can pull it all into one sentence :: Blogher is what you make it. Blogher is whatever you are willing to let it be. (Lied, two sentences).

I was nervous as hell going in, I am not going to lie. But before the conference I had already decided the why of going this year; I had an agenda ::

1) Meet the Canadians. You may think I am kidding. I am not. I read a lot of our Northern friends and really wanted to use the time to put a physical presence to the amazing writer voices.

2) Learn about some 'techy' stuff. I am not a writer, a promoter, a sponsored or advert blogger. I am just Me, with my blog and my space and a desire to know more. So I looked through sessions and found ones that seemed to have solid information about stuff. That stuff turned out to be about design, processing photos and art.

3) Go to Mamapop's Sparklecorn extravaganza to shake my booty (and shake it hard).

And so that is what happened. I met Kate the first day and finally got to hug a woman I have read and cried for and laughed with and sighed over. And then we ended up getting ready for a party together and I had a chance to start to see what it is to meet a person we know from the flat screen become whole and rounded out and there. And I was not disappointed once this weekend with anyone I did get to meet and speak to and be with. (I still find the Kate thing a little surreal).

I went to the Canadian party where there were a lot of Canadians. It was cool. The man dressed as a Mountie was a little much.

I went to session where the founders of Kirsty and Design Sponge shared generously about their blog design, what they know of shaping the online space people see and read. And is was really good info (though I was viewing it through the fog of the free drinks from the Canadian party...thanks for that, O' revered Canadians). The panel also included Alex Vega, an actual web designer who was super informative, forward thinking and funny and (incidentally) she was totally hot.

I heard Ryan from Pacing the Panic room tell a group of women to "Take good pictures". And he was right. The best way to process a photo is in your eye and mind before you shoot or while you shoot, not in Photoshop. He also said "Know your camera". More good advice.

Karen Walrond wrote on my arm and though I was smiling in the pictures I was trembling inside...off balance and sad in a sea of women, missing my kids and home. But she wrote on my arm in bold and I ended up down in my old 'hood the LES and people kept telling me they liked my tattoo. It said "I make things". It almost made me want to go to a tat shop and make it permanent.

I also went to a panel that Karen facilitated and it was unbelievably good. She and two other women spoke about Art in the Blog spaces and shared generously and openly and we had a dialogue in that room that made me finally able to call myself an ARTIST. I do not say this lightly. It has never been a word I am comfortable using in reference to myself.

And then I shook my ass at the Sparklecorn Extravaganza which was like prom without the sausage. (Well, there were a few men...but it was all about the ladies). I am pretty sure there will be a picture of said shaking somewhere around someday.

I also loved the Keynote* which was a moving and special experience...through the listening I found a whole new set of bloggers to explore and read and enjoy. And I made a new friend named Ry Pepper who is a photographer that has created an online space to feature art that catches her eye and interest. She also rocks.

And that was my Blogher10 experience. I did not take swag (well, only the reusable stainless steel bottle that keeps unscrewing and pouring out all over the contents of my purse). I did not even go to the Expo hall where the swag was housed. I occasionally felt totally overwhelmed by the sheer amount of chatter so many women voices can create. I drank too much. I slept too little. I really really have to go through the photos.

Saturday night during Sparklecorn I stepped out of the party for a break from the action and ended meeting a lovely woman. We began talking about the conference and she asked me about my experience. She was open and engaged and a great listener so I told her. I told her what I liked about the conference and I told her what I did not like. Did I mention I was also drunk?

SO...... I really told her. Not in a negative way though because as we were speaking I was hearing my experience and this post was beginning to take shape. I glanced at her badge and noticed it said Staff. I asked her what she did for Blogher and she told me she helps with the conference. So we kept talking and talking and as we finished up our conversation, my heart totally finally getting why I went to this crazy loaded event, another woman who had been listening the whole time turned to me and asked me if I knew who this woman was. I knew her name was Elisa. That was what she told me. Turns out she is one of the co-founders of Blogher. Oh.

And you know what? I am so glad we had that talk. She listened and maybe there was something in there that she heard that will help guide the next experience of Blogher 11 one way or another. I can tell you I certainly felt seen and heard and understood by this woman.

Will I be going to the San Diego Blogher? Absolutely.

It is what you make it. And I might even be able to get a Canadian or two to stay at my house. Awesome.

* The Keynote was an evening event when 15 or so bloggers read their written words. The pieces read were picked via submission and review and voting. There was something about listening to them speak their words that was powerful and beautiful. I loved loved loved it.

* Pictures to come. I am still in NYC for a few more day. This has been a looooong trip with more than just Blogher but I had to bang this out before I forget it all in my sleep deprived, sweaty headed current state. I am more tired right now than I ever am at home with my kids. Whew.

To all my new people that I met via this weekend whirlwind, if you are here reading...hello, welcome, I will find you once I sort out the cards in my hand made felt card carrying (that I last saw in a jumble of some dirty clothes in my thrashed suitcase area.....) #donotwanttopack

Upward Growth

This is the view from our kitchen table.



I literally drink it in most mornings as I sit with a cup of coffee. Some mornings are quieter than others, today was quiet and I took a little walk out to see how the growing of things are going. I love looking for new flowers and fruits. The vines give me special pleasure because I love those curly shoots they send out, seeking a hold on any willing bit...sometimes twining around other plants, sometimes climbing the metal grid, purchase found.



There have been set backs...the ants marching along the straight sides of the raised beds, farming their aphids and impervious to my attempts to eradicate their efforts. I let it go sometimes. Others day I dump non-toxic detergent on all the edges and watch as they slowly let go of that path and then, yep, just find a new one. Persistent fucks.

But this was not going to be a post about the garden. Things grow once established and I am learning when to step in and when to be patient. This is going to be a post about upward growth. AKA...my obligatory Blogher post.

I am going to Blogher10 this year....will be on a jet plane headed East next Wednesday morning. I bought the ticket on impulse months and months ago...it seemed like the perfect way to get back to NYC, a place I left in 98' and have yet to visit again. It seemed empowering and exciting and a chance to be with Me...and thousands of other women. It stills seems like those things.

There is also the fairly prevalent feeling of doubt and worry. I went to a pre-Blogher meet up in L.A. proper and met some lovely women. And finally met Neil. I had no cards to give and stumbled a bit when telling people what my blog is about but everyone was very nice. It was loud, when is it not when more than a few women gather? It was eye opening because I realize I do not know/read many blogs lately so I swam a bit trying to 'place' people. Overall, it was a good experience, a tiny taste of the conference maybe and I came home and ordered some cards so my hands do not feel so empty. I don't know, it might look a little weird if I wander around the Hilton knitting a hat or hand stitching a cathedral pane cube.

I have decided to allow this to be an experiment in Vertical Growth. I see that my garden has all it needs and is doing it's thing. A good lesson...

I am excited in a heart in the throat way because I am leaving my family (I decided on a full week because I want time outside of the weekend to see the City (and Marnie :)). I get a quick heartbeat when I realize that the boys and Tim will be quite a plane ride away for 8 days. I get excited to think about waking up for a few mornings and be able to stare at a blank wall in my friend's loft for a few hours if I so choose. I am going to take a class with a Master of African dance who has a smile that shines like brilliant sunlight. I am going to swim in a sea of 1000s of women. I am going to the Cloisters because it is serene and I might need some serenity after a few days.

And though I have fallen out the habit of reading and writing blog posts, though time has been scarce to connect to some of my online people, I want to meet you. I want to say hello to you. I want you to say hello to me. I want to learn about your life and grab your card and give you mine (given that they are delivered in time) and get tipsy and laugh and maybe stumble in my pair of Blogher heels (another obligatory).


This is me....and I will be looking for you too.

Say hi here or there, pretty please?

(Smeary eye make up at 7 a.m.? That's how I roll. You'll see).