Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Our Tuesday Morning

I planned on posting about knitting today, but the morning took a different turn. We were having a great one, the cool morning allowed us to play in the backyard, the boys in the dirt, me in the chair with a new project. No obligations to meet, just home. As we were winding things down for nap, I heard Owen crying and found him on the ground, holding his foot next to a bee. I found the stinger in his big toe and kinda' freaked out. I am not a jumpy Mama, I usually find kisses and a hug work great for even the bigger injuries. But, for some reason, this made me really nervous. Tim has a 'reaction' to bee stings, not deemed an allergy, but he never does well after a sting.

I pulled out the stinger and called Dr. L's office. The irony is we were in for our well baby visit yesterday and I commented to my Mom that we have never been there unless it was for a well check-up. Ah, Murphy, you love to visit after these type of comments, do you not? Anyway, I described his reaction (foot swelling and redness) and they asked me to come in to have him checked out. I grabbed a few things, handed Mace off to my Dad and drove to the office, feeling really scared. Owen was fine, but fell asleep in his seat on the way there, I kept glancing back to make sure he looked fine. It is only about 10 minutes to the office and he really was fine. By the time we got there, his foot was barely red and not even swollen.

I went in anyway, feeling a little silly at being the over-reactive Mama. We checked in and sat for a few minutes, maybe 10. And that is when I realized that I have never been alone with Owen out in public. I had taken Mace a few times in the early days, but never O. And here we were, sitting in the office (the very same one he tried to tear apart yesterday) watching the fish in the tank and the bubbles that periodically rose out of a sunken ship . He pointed and talked a bit, he cuddled most of the time, was fine to stand on the scale by himself and let Dr. L check his breathing with reluctance, and the whole time I just was there, watching him and it felt so weird.

Not too long ago there was a post on playing the twin card over at HDYDI. I commented that I don't because I just don't. And as they get older there is less of the card to play. But in the office I mentioned about 4 times that Owen was one of a set, that I had twins, and I felt like something was missing the whole time. The opposite of the twin card, I was putting it out there that there was another, he just was not here.

Sure it was easy to manage, I have never felt leaving the house has been as easy as it was during this impromptu (and unwelcome) visit. I had more than enough hands and I got to concentrate on O in a way that I never have while out. And I realized what a good Mama I am with the whole twin thing and how much I really, really like it. And for that, I am appreciative.

But I felt like I was a little empty and that people were seeing me with the one and not the other. And that I did not like. I know in the future we will likely do things with each boy, as an individual. But not yet, I am not ready for that yet. And I am so very glad I was blessed with these two people. Because they are so entwined in my heart. Hmmmm, I did not realize that the word entwined contains the very thing that resides in mine. My twins.

P.S. O is, of course, fine and they are both down for their nap with little rift in the daily routine. How abut that for a way to keep a good day going? So, I will get to the knitting stuff tomorrow. Right after I open my new package or yarn. Ahhhh.


LauraC said...

I know what you mean about feeling the need to really emphasize "his twin is at home." But of course you say this in a much nicer way than I can.

Now that my boys are a little older, we have started taking each of them on Sunday morning dates alone with a parent. Now that they are older, it is easier to see how they can act so differently when the other is not around, and I've realized I need to give them that space to be not so entertwined.

But I won't go on about this on your blog as I have a whole blog post planned for this week about it.

gleek said...

ah! i'm so glad to hear that he's not allergic to bees! that's the one thing that i fear right now. i've tried out all the foods on the peanut and nothing :)

i can't imagine how strange it must be to be without one or the other of your boys on any occasion. treasure that wonderful feeling of knowing that you have them both!

Pete and Shelley said...

Isn't that a strange feeling? Thinking back on it, the only time that we've spent alone with one of our twins were during ER and Dr.'s visits.....all with my son. I've never been out alone with my daughter, other than a 10 minute trip into Kohl's! I even bought a single stroller for this purpose, but haven't even used it!

Claroux said...

I completely know that feeling. Most of my alone time with one girl or the other has been due to illness and I either stayed home with one since she couldn't go to day care or took a sick baby to the doctor. From the early days I've always felt the need to clarify that "she's a twin." I feel exactly like you in the sense that I feel like I forgot something when I'm out with just one. It feels like everyone that looks at you knows that something is just not right - even though they don't have a clue. I've taken Maddie out shopping with me on occasion in the early days when it was too much for hubby to stay home alone with them. To this day Maddie continues to be the "easy one" to take places. Regardless, we have made an effort since day one to spend "alone time" with both babies. Just so they have that 1:1 attention. But lately it's almost as if THEY don't feel right when their sister's not around. They seem "off", unusually quiet and reserved. They will usually ask about the other. It's funny how aware they have become recently. This is somewhat related to the recent post on HDYDI - about the twin comments we all dread and all get. We complain and moan about the stupidity. I avoid eye contact when I'm out in public because I just don't feel like hearing what insane thing some stranger will say next. YET, when I'm out sans one baby I feel the NEED to explain that I have another one that isn't there. Funny, huh?

Claroux said...

Oh - PS....when I'm with only one baby I always find myself thinking how BORING and easy (but in a mundane way) my life would be if I just had one! It really does make you realize just HOW GOOD you are at being a twin mommy. how it's become second nature. I still second guess myself - am I not bonding enough, blah blah blah....but it's times like you just had at the doctor that put it all in perspective.

Glad Owen is okay. Bee stings are scary. I dread that - especially with what we just went through with Maddie being in the hospital for asthma! Yikes!

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed reading this post as well as the comments since I also can relate--4 y.o. boys. It is weird a feeling, but then again we don't know anything different.

The weirdness went away as I realized that sometimes they enjoyed not being together...around 2 1/2-3 years. I was afraid they wouldn't be very close but their preschool teachers tell me they are always together even when they have a choice not to be. Another twin mom whose boys are in college now said it will ebb and flow through the years just discourage competition between the two and encourage them to always be supportive of each other even if their interests are vastly different.

Even now though, I don't think they "get" they are twins. They think all siblings share the same birthday! :)

Cari said...

Glad to read he's okay! I got a bit nervous when I started reading...

Nonnahs said...

Ah, I'm so glad Owen is okay. That must have been scary! Interesting experience you had, too. I'll have to ask my sister if anything like that has ever happened to her (if she has actually been with only one of the girls...I'm not even sure)!

Carrie & Brook said...

Like the other readers, I always feel the need to tell people that he is a "twin"...his brother is at home...I usually have two kids the same age with me, except today I only have one and my, is it easier!...etc, etc. But then I kick myself because I at the same time, I am usually annoyed by people asking about 'the twins'...but then here I am making it perfectly clear that this kid is a 'twin', '1 of 2'.

We try to do dates alone with each kido most weekends.