I had forgotten until today. I had forgotten those new days. The days when they were still fragile, when they were coated in downy hair, when they still exhibited the new born gaze, the one of infinite looking, but never sure at what.
I had forgotten the fineness of their hands, the lack of control of their head, the freshness of skin. And I was reminded of it all when I had the pleasure of meeting Julia’s son Griffin. Still a new little one, though grown per her assurances.
We spent a good part of the day catching up, talking and having a bit to eat, even having some knitting/crochet time thanks to the excellent Griffin who slept accommodatingly on Mama’s lap. It was good to see her and just to be. We agreed it is wonderful to have another Mom to talk to, to share with as we both journey through this thing called Mamahood.
Seeing her in the early part, in this new, ‘getting to know you’ part brought home again how very quickly the time goes…once the early part is over. It brought my thoughts back to those days, when I had so much going on but so many of the days seemed endless, as did the nights. I remember thinking the cycle of feeds/changes/wakings might never end. And I really believed it.
Funny, now, when the day comes to a close I try to recall how it was that it went so very fast. I have never in this journey longed to bring back a time from before, I cherish what is happening with the boys as it comes. Today did not make me long for the early days, but it did make me wish that I had a better recollection of how it was. How it was to hold their tiny bodies, to watch their endless gaze as it fixed on something,
to see their thin arms flail suddenly in the midst of those strange sleep spasms, to hear their odd little grunt/squeals.
It also brought home how very quickly one forgets how to handle a tiny one. I felt all thumbs as I tried to burp Griffin and give his Mama a chance to get some of the freshly wood fired pizza into her mouth (you know the drill, other Mamas reading, the pizza came and the once silent Grif then demanded immediate milk action. Which Julia handled with great aplomb). I could barely make myself thump him on the back, worried that it was too hard. Which is laughable because I remember demanding of Tim that he give them a good whack.
It was a great day but at 4:00 I realized I had to go to get home to the boys. I pulled up to see Mason framed in the picture window, he spotted me during my approach and his face lit up and he pressed his face to the glass, trying to kiss me through it. I found Owen in his Daddy’s lap,’reading’ his latest favorite, he gave my return the proper acknowledgment by shouting “car!’ and pointing it out to me.
Then we put them down tonight and I snuggled next to their sturdy bodies, felt their long limbs, scratched and bruised from their daily adventures, heard their going to sleep babbles. And I remembered. I remembered why this is the absolute best thing I have ever done. I may not totally recall the early days, but I know these days are just as enthralling.