Saturday, May 08, 2010

Moving Forward

Yesterday was a little odd. I woke to my breasts aching as if they were going to let down milk. I have not felt that since the first year with the boys and it was terribly disconcerting. I was feeling the pull of ovulation and I kept trying to figure out what it is that wants to be born...

Another baby?
A new Me?
A changed Life?

This week, this month, this year have been a roller coaster ride. High high high. Low low low. All tied into my cycle and a body that seems to be in revolt. I have felt alternately breathless and short tempered and then wonderful and free. But above it all I have felt unsettled.

This week was spent with one of my lovely sisters and my 2 year old niece. Amanda has not had the opportunity to come and stay in our home for many years and this week was a focused effort to find that place of reconnection. We spent the week laughing and dancing and discussing growth and speculating that the huge Chile earthquake actually threw the earth one degree off axis which is totally fucking with our energy and making us crazier than usual.

I can trace the 'let down' feeling directly to the night before when I spent an hour with my niece sleeping soundly tucked into my chest. She is teething molars and I wanted to give my sister a little break and K needed cuddling so there I was. K is an amazing little girl, so different from her boy cousins and sleeps like a little smushy log, no insane moving around like my children. It was heavenly and the likely trigger for the boob insanity that followed.

Yesterday I thought a lot about another little one, another job, another way of being. It all came to a head this week when a golden opportunity presented itself. Last Friday I received an email informing me that the volunteer PT position in Bhutan was unexpectedly open for September to January of this year. They had a cancellation and I was first on the waiting list. I had inquired about the position in 2009 when it called me with a vision. And now here it was. I read the email astonished as I had literally just been thinking about reconnecting with the network that places volunteers in Bhutan. And now here it was.

We spent the weekend talking about it, Tim and my sister and my family and I. They needed an answer this week as the visa process takes three months. And it was a hard decision but we had to let it pass this time. The decision to wait felt right, I felt something click into place. There was a second person that responded after me and she/he is able to go right now and wants to go right now. And I was offered the 2012 position which I immediately accepted. It gives us the wiggle room we need to find the money for tickets and a renter for our home, etc. Because I know this is going to happen...I had a vision, people.

But now, well, now is now. Instead of Bhutan, we are heading to points north for a month. It started with a trip to Arcata for a graduation, we tacked on Portland OR to reacquaint with Tim's side and decided the islands and Canada are so close that we cannot pass them up. As of Wednesday next week, we are off; packing the Subaru with a tent and some other stuff. And then we will see how the boys take to the road, if they have the same lust we have for controlled movement and chaos.

One of my favorite books is a Dr. Suess, Oh the places you'll go...

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Tent view

Lately life is getting in the way of blogging, but I am finding I am okay with that. We will see how it goes from the road, I think I might do a month of iPhone photos just to track it all...but for now, back to the last minute planning, packing and paperwork.

Wish us godspeed, eh? And less weird boob action. It just freaks me out.


LauraC said...

Enjoy the trip! I can not wait to hear details.

I have been doing a lot of baby holding lately and it has the opposite effect. I am so very very done!

lori z said...

have a great trip! enjoy your time in Canada!

Anonymous said...

Your trip is going to be so crazy and amazing at the same time! I have to say I am jealous.

Can I ask the obvious? Did you take a pregnancy test? : )


Sadia said...

Bhutan's right next door to home (Bangladesh)! They're in sore need of all sorts of help.

I'm glad things are coming together.

Bon said...

Bhutan. very cool. in good time.

and i'm terribly sorry that you're going to entirely the wrong end of Canada ;) but i hope the trip is wonderful even if i don't get to see you.


I Saw You Dancing said...

Bhutan will wait for you, my friend.
Looking forward to travelling vicariously with you, then and now.
I can highly recommend Chinese medicine for restoring your body's balance. It's gentle and holistic and worked wonders for my energy levels. It does sound like something it a little out of whack... brain misreading hormones, or vice versa? The again, my Chinese medicine dude always used to tell me that I was pregnant. And I wasn't until one day I thought I'd take a test so I could prove him wrong... and sure enough, I was!