Wednesday, January 25, 2012


Do you believe in dreams? Ask me three years ago and I am not sure of the answer to that one. Younger Me might have said, yes, of course. Three years ago Me? Not so sure. Me? Today? Equivocal resounding Yes.

I write this from my new home (for now). My home in a town that was a name only 8 years ago when we first started passing through this area. 5 years ago when we first stopped in it. 3 years ago when my brother settled in 'just down the road". Today, when we now live here. Dreams, they are funny things how they settle into our skin and soul and call and call until we listen.

Dreams, not the ones of sleep, but the ones of Action, never look as we think they should. Never wear the robes we imagine they will. But once put into Action and let go, they become what they are.

I wonder sometimes if it is Dreaming or just listening to what the Universe is actually saying to us. I cannot really know, new to this again but I want to believe that in the listening, we are finding our way.

I asked about a year ago for a new way; a way out, in and around it all. I wanted something New and Better. I wanted what we all want, It All. Define as you will, it looks different for each of us. It is not the first time I have asked, Oh, no, not the first. I think I ask a lot. Maybe more than others.

The thing is, when you ask, well, Ms/Mr/Mrs Universe can answer in spades. This time we were ready so we packed our Selves and cast iron and toys boxes and stuff of life and followed the signs.

For a few weeks now I have come out of sleep at 4:30 a.m. knowing exactly where I am, not disoriented but just awake. And I have thought so much about this, this Dreaming, this Asking. Pinch. Pinch me, again. It still feels like vacation, all those spots we drove and drove to, striving to get away from it all, away from that which was not Us but that which we wanted To Be.


And Then....
A few days later when I resume the writing of this post...


One power outage when NOTHING worked out here in the country, not even 911... (not as drastic as that sounds, it was only for 8 hours)...
One experience of a food and farm conference where Everyone, farmer or eater, spoke the same language I have been trying to articulate for years in a deadened Suburban area...
One day later after we had my folks here to scope out homes and property...
Three days after intense orientation in my newest job setting, barrage of information, union negotiations of which I have zero experience, system changes, people changes, all changes...


I can still say the same thing. My breathe catches when I see pine trees on the long drive home from these long days of orientation to new things. My mind slows as I realize that I have time to breathe here. My smile lifts as the girl at the check out stand asks me about my day.

Utopia does not exist. It is a dangerous thing to play with the idea that there is a more perfect place to be in the Universe than the one you are Now. But when you give up the perfect, embrace the idea that the Dreaming is a good thing and also a thing to Follow...

Life as is changes; Dinner still needs to get to the table, jobs still need to be done and cars still break down at the most inopportune of times. But you? You feel lighter, looser, happier and more capable.

Let me rephrase, Not You. I. I feel those things.

And that makes me feel like sharing for the first time in a long time.

Hello, from our new Home. :) Glad to be back


LauraC said...

So glad to have you back and SO HAPPY you have found your home. I also used to think that a place could not make me happy, but everything feels so much easier since being in Raleigh. It is the right place for us for now.

I was never a dreamer but I have you to thank for opening my eyes to dreams!

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