Gravid

I started the book Knitting Sutra yesterday. My mother found it at the library and checked it out with me in mind. I have glanced at the cover in passing, thought it sounded interesting. Now I find it an engaging and easy read, bringing to mind much of my life at this present moment. Being pregnant has brought to me a new way, a new life that I am slowly adjusting to, bit by little bit. Currently I am pregnant with twins, an astounding thing to write, much less think. It has taken some time to wrap my mind around this as it was the least likely scenario I could have imagined in all those mind wanderings I had before trying to get pregnant. It never occurred to me that this could be our reality despite the fact that my husband has a family rife with both fraternal and identical. Today marks the beginning of my sixth month and I have a sneaking suspicion that things just get a bit harder from here on out.

I am also reading a twin book and as one patient put it to her doctor , "the hits just keep on coming". I have had an uneventful pregnancy until the last few weeks and even now I cannot say that there have been drastic complications, but I just cannot do anything. I cannot mop my floors, take my daily walks with my beautiful dog, prepare a decent meal or even stay upright very well. My doctor was very careful about preparing me for this, telling me from month 3 that by 6 months I would feel 8 and by 8, I shudder to even contemplate. He encouraged me to get all shopping, etc. done early as it may not be what I wanted to do around this time. I listened and believed him but cannot say I was prepared for it. I guess any independent, highly motivated and slightly hyperactive person would have some trouble adjusting. I guess that is why I am writing this.

Back to the book. She writes of knitting and spirituality, her re-connection to craft and developing her relationship with the source through the practice of fiber work. I am not deeply into the book yet but it resonates with me. I mentioned in my last post that knitting was lost to me for a period of time because of morning sickness. It had a profound affect on me, not being able to pick up my needles while unwinding with my husband during Seinfeld. Now it is back, my companion in bed while the hours of the day pass. One rarely thinks of the trial it is to stay still, we imagine escaping the work world to stay at home and do what we want. It can be a bit overrated. But my companion, whatever project that may be, has steadied me. I am alternating between the hybrid sweater and eunny's print o' the waves lace. Both present different experiences. The lace has a rhythm that brings contemplation of each row, each stitch and the relationship that develops between it all. I find lace easy, for lack of a better description. I fall into the rhythm with little worry of losing stitches or skewing the pattern, adding one back here or knitting two together there when the numbers are a bit off. Then there is the stockinette stitch of the hybrid sweater,
so soothing, round and round, watching the fabric reveal itself and build in length, the combination of nubby yarn and #6 needles so quick and satisfying. Both are carrying a deeper meaning now, they show that I can accomplish things. I did not anticipate this turn of events so soon, it is a bit difficult to gaze forward into the coming weeks. Instead I am gauging time in regards to sleeve finishing and contemplating what will follow these projects. I am carefully parceling out hours of daylight and looking forward to the hour my husband returns home to be my bedside companion. What a strange thing, what a different person. I count myself lucky among women in this situation, with a strong supportive family, parents that live with my spouse and I, people giving me back rubs and encouraging words. But still what a strange thing.

I saw our babies the other day in a quick ultrasound check. Technology today allows these glimpses inside ourselves. Fascinating, I find my boys. Always moving, hearts beating so fast. Bedrest is no big thing when it is for them. And just think of all the goodies I will get to knit in this passing time. Fresh air drifts into my room through wide open doors, the end of sleeve one beckons. I will have to write more later.. ..so many things to do.