Friday, April 13, 2007

Seaming and dreaming

I have found my desire to write/blog somewhat lacking of late. I am also finding that there is a limit to one’s tolerance for discomfort and prolonged inactivity. My world is so shrunken in so many ways…and I see the finish line but feel like it could be a little closer…could it not? Of course, every pregnant woman entertains these thoughts in late third trimester, things like ‘I want it to be done’, ‘I wish I could…’ (shave my legs, haha, which I did yesterday in the most uncomfortable and awkward of ways, with a very spotty job, I might add…but shaved they are), or even ‘Um, baby? Could you take your elbow/knee/finger/head out of my lung/liver/cervix/small intestines?’. these thoughts are fleeting but becoming more frequent, intensified by the sheer number of limbs that are currently flailing internally. And by the joyful, if not discomfort inducing fact that we know both beans are weighing in well over 5 pounds. I don’t know why that weight seems so significant to me, it just made me happy to know they are really growing and healthy. So, the pregnancy goes forth, no conformation of date by m.d. but a reassuring discussion that if I do go into labor next week I will be allowed to deliver rather than have to take the meds that halt (or attempt to) contractions. I hate the meds because I shake like a crackhead, my heart rate skyrockets and I can barely knit because of hand tremors. You can see why I would like to avoid any more of these meds. But they sure do stop contractions. There was the somewhat ominous reassurance by said m.d. that once next week rolls around I will likely stop getting pre-term labor and have to sit and wait for 37 weeks to roll around. You know, Murphy’s law kinda’ thing. Believe me, I want these babies healthy and ready, but that selfish part is totally crying out to be free of this state.

I should have taken pictures of the only non-medical related trip I took with tim the other day. It is totally indulgent and consumer, but we bought this at good ol’ Costco. It was a purchase we had discussed for awhile…our old tube t.v. was acting strangely…purple glow bleeding across the bottom third of the 17” screen, loud cracking noises emanating from its thick body. We received our annual rebate from the Costco, discussed and promptly decided to apply it towards the LCD. So, out we went and I was wheeled into the big box warehouse by my lovely honey (I just cannot walk or stand for more than a minute without crushing contractions/back pain. Yay.) and the lady checking cards kept trying to offer me a motorized w/c, and everyone was staring…that is what it felt like, anyway. The whole transaction took 5-7 minutes (we smartly chose Wednesday night to go in) and I felt freakish the whole time. Sure, I was probably imagining the looks, but it made me realize I have really been isolated from everything for a long time. No interaction with the regular material world; no ventures into Target or Home Depot, no dinners out, grocery shopping (I so miss Trader Joe’s), no yarn excursions when there are really good sales, no knit nights with the ladies. Okay, I am being self-indulgent but there is a limit to this. Folks. You may think it is lovely to have so much time on one’s hands…ohhhhhh, the things I would do/knit/sew, you may think. Does not quite work out that well when all activities are performed from sidelying (usually the left side…it is like a 70/30 ratio of turning) with the occasional 5 minutes of sitting to spice things up.

But knit I have. Not as much as I would like, but I tend to drift off a lot lately…in thought, into sleep, away from any focused activity. And then there is the behemoth at the end of the bed that transmits fascinating scenes in HD. Now, I am into TV, not obsessively, but I have my programs, my girls, Martha and Ellen, and those delicious shows with dancing and singing. It provides a great time to knit and seems harmless enough, or it did, before bed rest and the behemoth. But this thing, this TV, if you can call it that, is unbelievable. It has all these crazy digital channels that it picks up…weather channels all day long…PBS (all 3 that we receive in LA) is in HD, I mean, it opened up my day. And still free…no money to any of those companies that want arms/legs per month for programming. HD is what they say, I was watching a program with a castle/garden scene and I thought the bees on the lavender in the foreground were in the room. In the room. Weird. I could just be hallucinating from increased TV watching time. It will likely keep me distracted in these last few weeks so I find I do not mind it’s presence. It sure is an upgrade.

Back to knits. Nothing really special to show other than another hoodie. I plan on making these little creatures to applique onto the front.
I have the felt and embroidery floss, now to just motivate in that direction. Next up is finishing a little vest I have had lying in a state of ennui for over a year (one of those baby knits I started then left unfinished under the superstitious thinking that it would curse impregnation attempts) and some little booties with EZ instruction for an afterthought heel to simplify the whole bootie process. It will be an experiment for sure.

Here is what twins on a 5’1” frame look like at 34+ weeks. The ability of the body, the female body, to do this is amazing. And not a little freakish also.

I also had to incluse a pic of my wonderful husband who has assumed every responsibility in our lives that cannot be performed on the internet/via computer. He spent most of his teen years working in kitchens, a few really nice restaurants, before he decided not to pursue the culinary arts. Now, he has rediscovered his talents for preparing lovely meals. I caught him yesterday in the kitchen, whipping up a brekky fit for a king (and a beach ball, ahem, me). All I can say is that I have never had doubt in my heart regarding us, our lives together, but these past three months have revealed the truest character of this man and it is solid, strong, generous and beautiful. He said something to me last night, that he was thinking: these are the last few days before he is going to be a dad for the rest of his life. It sounded a lot more profound than how I just recorded it, but I will not soon forget the look in his eyes. Anticipation and joy, not a speck of fear. I love this man.

5 comments:

Julia (MindofWinter) said...

What a wonderful post. Some day you will look back at this and be able to remember exactly how you were feeling, perched on the edge of such a huge life event - exhausted, frustrated, yet full of love for your husband and with an abiding trust in him and in your future with these two new beings. It's an excellent thing to record.

How do you feel about deep purple calmer? (The same color as my deciduous camisole made by Marnie.) I have three skeins lying about, that I would be happy to send over, so that the second twin has a mommy-designed vest. Just let me know and send your addy via e-mail. I can't wait to meet all of you!
xox,
J.

Mira said...

I came across your blog and read this wonderful post. Wow..twins..double joy and double cuteness =)

love.boxes said...

Amazing. Best wishes in the next few weeks which seem to surely be an adventure in the making. May all be well and very well with you and your little family.

Eva said...

I shared your hubby's thought with a coworker that is about to be a daddy too (due date is May 2nd) and he thought about it for a minute and was all 'oh my, that is soooo true!!!' :) He and his girlfriend decided to enjoy these last few days as non-parents a bit more :)

Thank you, once again, for a great post!!!

Cheers Eva

Sharon said...

Just want to say thanks for all of your wonderful comments and encouragement in regards to our Margaret. Keeping you in my thoughts as you come so close to the end...and the beginning of life as mommy.