Friday, May 25, 2007

100 Things

It is so late to jump on this bandwagon, I do not even think there is a bandwagon here. When I first started reading knit blogs I found the ‘100 things’ list everywhere. I wanted to join in but I was a reader back then, not a writer. Now that I feel I have some actual readers, I thought I might put this up for people to work their way through at their own leisure (if you can make it through this egocentric post).

1. I became a mom on April 24, 2007 and since then all the things I deemed important I now see in a new light.
2. I had two boys and went through what I am thinking will be my only pregnancy.
3. Our boys will probably be the main topic at my blog for the time being.
4. I used to knit.
5. I learned to knit late in life (post planned) but I loved it the minute knit-purl made sense.
6. I quickly became obsessed with yarn, books, patterns and blogs.
7. Lurked in the blog world for a long time, it took until last spring to work up the courage to start writing myself.
8. I was not popular in school (no big deal) so the ring of bloggers made me worried that there was cliquey-ness.
9. I discovered how wrong I was when I started posting, getting comments and responding. The world of knit bloggers is so far from high school.
10. My first correspondence was with this lady, whose blog and patterns I loved from the minute I found her at Knitty.
11. My great friend Ana taught me to venture into the world of knitting, it was the best thing she has ever done for me. (Well, there have been a lot of other things too, but, come on, knitting.)
12. I used to crochet; endless scarves, beanies and purses, but I always abandoned the practice because it felt so limited to me.
13. I knew nothing of quality fiber when I crocheted so there was little to hold me to it.
14. I have been knitting since I got married, almost 4 years now.
15. My first attempt was with the standard issue Michael’s package ‘I Taught Myself to knit” Kit. It taught me so very little.
16. I cast on 200 stitches on size 7 sticks for a baby hat….a baby hat, people. Pattern errata? I could not figure out why the brim fit around my waist. Haha.
17. This was during my extended stay in Australia.
18. Before babies (hence forth to be referred to as B.B.) Tim and I traveled the world with camp gear or pursued hostel living.
19. First trip: 2001: South Africa, Ireland, Holland for three months total. First time out of country. Experienced opposite seasons during the trip and fell in love with leaving America.
20. Next trip: summer 2001: Hawaii, islands of Oahu and Kaui. We stayed for a month in a tent at various campsites. Such unbelievable beauty, but we did get island fever and by week 4 all I could think of was going home. Now I wish I were back. Irony.
21. Various shorter travels: Loop through Montana, Wyoming, Idaho. Loop through Utah’s Nat’l parks. Many Yosemite jaunts. Frequent Mammoth trips.
22. Last big trip: 2003: Australia. Bought a beater car in Sydney that we named the Red Baron. Drove with my bro and his lady from Sydney to Perth in a 3 month span. Stopped willy-nilly along the way. Had the greatest of experiences. Learned about film photography through heavy experimentation and occ. library jaunts. Lived in a car/tent the whole time except three blissful weeks with friends. Inside. Realized I was too old to keep camping like that. Went home early (we were supposed to complete the loop around Oz but Tim and I said “whatever” and headed home.)
23. Now: I get super excited because we are planning our first trip cum beans. We will be off to the Sierras in July to visit the Cabin. Yay!
24. The Cabin is where all good things in my life have come about or to fruition. It is where Tim took me when we were teens and thought it was so grown up to go away for the weekend. It is where he asked me to marry him and where we got married. It is also where I would ‘take’ the beans during my hypnosis/meditation to help calm my pre-term labor. And now they will get there for real. Yay!
25. I live with extended family in the same town I fled from at 17. In the same house actually. With the same people I once ran from.
26. I lived in NY for 5 years during my college education.
27. I have yet to return since leaving in 1998, that makes me a little sad.
28. I wish I would have gone to Morehouse Farms back then, I am a little obsessed with planning a trip back East that includes this aspect.
29. My father is a first gen immigrant, he is Dutch-Indonesian.
30. My maternal grandma was born in NY and was obsessed with libraries.
31. I have inherited this obssesion from her and though she has passed, I think of her every time I enter a library.
She was also a kleptomaniac that stole books. She stole my algebra book once and read it. Then she helped me with my homework.
32. Neither my grandma nor my Oma will meet my boys here, but I know they met them before they came. I like to think they had a hand in helping our boys to come our way.
33. I believe we choose to come back here, but we just forget about it because we stop listening carefully.
34. I think Dr. Wayne Dyer is brilliant and I wish to create a faith structure around his teachings.
35. I was raised Catholic, in the Church, in parochial schooling until high school. I always wore uniforms. I have always flaunted authority.
36. Now I feel differently about it all, I feel Spirit-In-Action in every aspect of my life, so I do not worry about God. He likes me anyway.
37. I love my husband, my life and my home, but that was not always the case.
38. I am much happier than I have ever been.
39. I do not have a lot of intimate friends, the ones I do have are the kind that know how to leave me alone. Do you know what I mean?
40. Having said that, I hope to cultivate some new relationships in my life as I embark on the journey of motherhood.
41. Women used to scare me due to their unpredictable nature, I have had a bit of a reprieval having given birth to two boys as this is territory I know.
42. I am not a tomboy, but I was raised a strong opinionated woman with a brash mouth and a somewhat dirty sense of humor.
43. That may justbe part of being a Scorpio.
44. My boys are Tauri, the perfect complement to my Scorpio sign.
45. I used to be heavily into astrology, goddess religions and faeries, but that all faded as I moved through my 20s. (Thank god)
46. Now I am into reading the signs the universe gives us, and I am really into asking for that which I need.
47. I have 5 brothers and 2 sisters, all from the same folks, no twins.
48. My boys are the first grandchildren of the 8 siblings and as thrilled as the sibs are, they also chide me for setting the bar so high.
49. This is not an uncommon thing for me to do.
50. My family is really close and supportive, we like each other and spend time together (and live together) and though a challenge at times, I could not imagine any other way.
51. My husband is freakin’ amazing because he does not have to love them, but he does.
52. I have known Tim since he was 17, the age of my second youngest brother today.
53. We basically grew up in our relationship, we have never been separated or unfaithful, only finding out more about each other as time goes on.
54. But he admits he did not love me when we got together, he just thought it was cool that he was in high school and I was in college.
55. We did long distance (NY to La Verne) for 2 ½ years.
56. Hardest thing I have ever done.
57. We have not been apart since. I would never be apart from him again.
58. I marvel that I found the love of my life in my teenage years, I am grateful that I realized he was that and never f***ed it up.
59. He taught me to ride a bike. Right now I miss downhill mountain biking with a vengeance.
60. When I got together with Tim I could barely stay on a bike, now I can bomb trails that would have terrified me before.
61. He can ride like butter, smooth and easy, then, BAM, huge jump out of nowhere.
62. Yeah, I am still more than a little obsessed with my husband. Can you tell?
63. One thing I discovered, he hates the 2-4 a.m.feed and is so grumpy when he wakes up. Like, so grumpy. But still good to the babies.
64. And that cannot even be a flaw because he does the job, even if he cannot always muster up a smile.
65. This is getting old…the 100 things, I mean.
66. But I have a narcissistic streak, so I will keep going.
67. I used to have Panic Disorder, triggered when I was nailed by a car in NYC while biking. The attack was not triggered by the accident but by my refusal to go to the hospital.
68. It took me 3 years to seek appropriate treatment, but only 6 months of Zoloft to learn to control the occurrences.
69. I have been free of it for 4 years this month. Wow, it feels good to write that. And if you are reading (Really? Still?) and are afraid to take meds, well, I can only say it gave me back my life, and I did not become dependent, only capable.
70. I would love to start a business, I will not specify what type because I do not want anyone to steal my idea.
71. I would also love to design inside spaces using sustainable practices.
72. Tim works in the field of construction; the waste inherit in the field makes us both cringe.
73. When we remodeled we chose responsible remodel materials like bamboo floors, Richlite, concrete, and tile. Then we went and paint sprayed all the walls and probably killed half our brain cells.
74. We call ourselves the half-assed remodelers because we do all the work ourselves, but never really finish the details. And you know the devil is in the details.
75. Currently, there are 3 or 4 unfinished projects that languish, interrupted by bed rest and birth, and frankly, I could care less. One day, when things calm, we will git ‘er done.
76. I have a terrible tendency to use quotations from bad comedians, bad television jingles and really good silly movies in my daily vocabulary. I find quotes from Zoolander and Anchor Man particularly satisfying when worked in frequently. I do not think others find it as amusing and I often receive quizzical glances for this practice.
77. My youngest sister is named Emmalien and she and I love to joke around, once we get going on a topic we beat it senseless before giving up. My other sister Amanda gets exasperated and refuses to participate in our shenanigans.
78. I love having sisters.
79. I love having 7 other siblings because they have to love me, no matter what, and that is a heck of a lot of love.
80. I also have 2 s-i-l’s and one b-i-l that I totally love like family (technically one s-i-l is not quite there yet because we are waiting on the actual ceremony..but she has been around for years and years so she is sister to me).
81. We do things fast and loose in this family, Tim and I were married by my bro who was certified on the Net, my sister by a rabbi despite not being Jewish, my elder brother in a court house with two witnesses weeks before shipping out to Iraq.
82. He is back safely and he blogged the whole time, he can be found here, take a minute to read as he portrays an unspeakable war in words that eloquently describe the trials and challenges our men face today. You can support the soldier without supporting the war.
83. I wish I could write as well as my big brother.
84. I just had a huge flood of emotion because I glanced down at one of my sons and saw the world.
85. They are the singular most amazing and precious and superb things we have ever done.
86. I take a lot of pictures of them, trying to keep the memory of each moment in some form as I know it will go, they will grow, but maybe, maybe the feel of this time in our lives will never fade.
87. Except for the sleep deprivation, that can fade away any time now.
88. I think our babies sleep better as twins because their tiny little persons are never alone, they always have a warm body with them, one they swam and swarmed with inside of me.
89. It hurts sometimes when I look at them, it is that powerful.
90. I want to gummus them all the time, gummus is an Indo word for “Oh my god, you are so soft and delicious and squishy and beautiful that I almost have to eat you” (You can see why it is easier to say gummus. Eh?)
91. We are vacillating between co-sleep vs. co-sleeper vs. crib, we do them all and the boys do not seem to care one way or another, as long as they have each other.
92. I cannot wait until they do the ‘twin’ language, I will take notes and try to decipher, but I have a feeling it is an exclusive club. Either you are in or you are not.
93. I cannot wait until they fit in their clothes and grow into their elephant wrinkle skin.
94. I cannot wait until they say “I love you, mama.”
95. Wait. I can wait because I will never have this day again, with O in his sling purring like a kitty, limp to the point of bonelessness (and then projectile vomiting out of the blue.) (Ahh, such is the way with babies)
96. I think we need to say ‘Thank you’ and ‘I love you’ at least once a day.
97. I think we need to live responsible for our actions, words, and the footprint we leave on this earth.
98. I hope the world that my sons grow in and into gives them all that they need.
99. We plan to raise them as soldiers of Ishmael and his tenents and beliefs.
100. I do knit. Really I do. Or did. And will again. Really.
Thanks for reading. And I’m out.


Sharon said...

It's amazing what a small world we live mom's family is Dutch also, my grandfather lived a lot of his younger childhood in Indonesia. Of course the traveling bug is strong with the Dutch and her family lived in Australia before they arrived in Miami when my mom was 10.

I learned to knit about the same time as you too, when my son was a baby. I haven't done much lately though.

Julia (MindofWinter) said...

Awwww, I made the hundred things list! I read the whole thing, and about five posts (with fabulous photos of the boys!) above it. I'm trying desperately to catch up, but life has gotten in the way...