Wednesday, July 18, 2007


Things are running along over here in the Bean household. It was an adjustment after our trip, going back to daily life without Daddy. I tell you, there is just not enough time in the day (or night) and then there are times when the day drags so slowly (like the 630 p.m. baby meltdown time). But the Beans are doing nice napping now, for now, and I plan on taking advantage of this as often as possible.

I did finish the first set of baby legwarmers (by the way, this was an idea culled from some other web site but I have no idea whose). I did not immediately cast on for the second pair because I rummaged through my bag of knitted stuff and discovered a pre-birth project that seemed manageable. It is the NALGAR sweater as described in Knitting Workshop. I started it right before bringing the Beans into this world. I got a bit discouraged due to the way the sleeves were knitting up, and I mean UP.
But I was reassured by a lovely woman on the other end of the phone when I called Schoolhouse Press (do you not love knitters?) that the sleeves can be blocked down without issue. I have to proudly report I cast off the first sleeve a night ago (during a 3 hour black out in our neighborhood…praise be for my headlamp). And the second sleeve progresses and seems to be without issue. I love the way this sweater looks, it has a sporty-ness to it. I sized the chest to be roughly 20-21” which may correspond to a 1 ½ year old child, which works for me and possibly for them. It will be finished and then put away until proper fitting, but it feels really nice to work on it and it sticks with that commitment I made to tube shaped knitting. Clever, aren’t I?

I am finding that I am able to wrap my mind around non-baby thinking and reading, this may impress only myself, but I know a month ago the prospect of reading anything greater than a label on the baby lotion bottle gave me a headache. The things that severe sleep deprivation can do to you….it is not pretty. I did not write during that time, I could not. It was like being numb all the time. I might post about it at some point, I know most new mamas out there understand and may be going through some of it right now and I will just say….It does get better. It may only be better for this time, this week, but I just want to spread reassurance to any out there needing some. I know I needed it and was looking for it. I am so lucky to have received it. So, hang in and try to just enjoy the bits of things. And choose a Mantra. Mine was, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” (Thanks Dr. Dyer) I am still saying it daily, but maybe not as desperately. And then kiss you baby (or in my case, babies’) soft cheek and downy hair and say a prayer of thanks for them and their deliciousness.
Quick side note: The rocking chair is crafted by Sam Maloof, a stellar woodworker. My mother works for him and his foundation, this was at the opening of a gallery on his property. I had to include it because there is a sleeping baby and the chair is just lovely.

I am not sure which way to venture in the knit world now. I love baby knits and I know they are so easy, but they are not very practical for the climate in which we reside. I cannot count on either boys being able to wear the stuff I am knitting, so I might scale way back on any plans I once had for sweaters, etc. for them. I do want to do the Tomtens, but will also hold off on these as I should not be even slightly be entertaining the idea of yarn purchasing/stash enhancement. I have so much on display that at times I feel guilty for even thinking of putting more dollars that way. I have seen some lovely versions of many of these patterns but hesitate because it would likely be out of season by the time I finished even the simplest of the patterns. Or maybe not, maybe I could cast on for this or this and even if it is finished in January, I could layer wear it. Hmmmm. Knits for mama? Dare I try? Ambitious, but I shall look through yarn I have and patterns I love with tube like construction and maybe just do it.

Oh yeah, knits will also have to compete with a bit of ‘Return to Work’ stuff. I am very lucky to work in the home care setting on a per diem basis, but I do have to work. It is odd to even consider patient care…I have been off since December due to the PTL. I am lucky to work for a company that is comprised mainly of Moms. Home care positions accommodate motherhood better than most, the flexibility and setting are what drew me to a change last year at this time. I used to work in the very intense field of Brain Injury/CVA Rehab, but I knew this would not be something I could resolve or give myself to after children. I watched a special on HBO titled Coma last night…it brought back so much of my last 9 working years. I started very early in the field of PT, at 21 I was working in a major trauma hospital with the acutely injured, then I moved to the inpatient rehabilitation setting and found great reward, but the biggest challenges also. The documentary brought a lot of people and places back to me…those I have met along my career path, those who struggled with the immensity of change and loss in their lives. It is a private world that is not often displayed in our society. Bob Woodruff brought some light to it in his special on the men of Iraq returning with devastating head injuries. A part of me, the part that knows I am very, very good at what I do, regrets and grieves that I am not longer part of the healing process in the lives of those going through the challenge of BI/CVA but another part knows I could not do my position justice at this point. I need to reserve my Self for my sons. It is lucky that I have this choice. When I do return to work it will be in the homes of my neighbors, the nearby towns…it will likely be with our aging population, whose needs vary greatly. But I will have the choice to say yes or no to the people I see, and this one cannot do in the field of Rehab. Let’s hope my newly recovered brain power will lend itself to filling out the tedious medical paperwork that comes along with the convenience of working from someone else’s home.

So, so far we have two almost completed knit projects (yeah, yeah, I have not woven in the four ends on the blegwarmers), the contemplation of an adult knitting pattern and the return to work, and… more happening…I finally got back on my bike. It has been since August last that I rode the singletrack/trail in our ‘backyard’ and oddly enough it was jut like…uh…getting back on a bike. Tim and I slipped away Sunday morning and rode the trail I know like the back of my hand. It felt so wonderful, exhilarating really. I was flying downhill, Tim commented I might have been going a tad too fast for my first ride back, but it felt so amazing. First time in almost a year that I have moved without either beings in me or attached to me. I mean, we hike and stroll the little guys, but certainly not at the speeds we were going. I thought I would share these pictures as they are something I really enjoyed.

Onward ho…next week is the three month mark for the Beans. And I hope to take a lot of pictures of the Beans with both my sisters in attendance, they are visiting this weekend. First time Owen and Mason will meet their Tanta Mem. Tanta Manders has not seen them since little days. What a special thing to look forward to…


Cari said...

Love legwarmers for babies. Thumper wore them (store bought, shame on me!) all fall and winter.

Emily said...

I adore those legwarmers.

And hooray for biking!

kaitlyn said...

what a post! I don't know how you do it lady. One baby at a time was crazy enough for me. I can definitely relate to the brain vacation. I'm sure you already realize how amazing the head and heart of a mother are--who knew there was room for so much! Also, is is possible you saw my "highwater helpers" for MJ? Their posted on my pattern page.

Lola and Ava said...

I love Zephyr patterns, yet I have never knit any for myself (afraid of how my boobs would act in them). The Glee pattern (the pink one) is lovely and I haven't seen it anywhere before.

My girls were great nappers - we're talking good for two 90 minute naps per day and at least one hour nap until about kindergarten. Love those nap times!

Robin said...

you're a PT too! :)) I'm full time right now, but i may be PRN once i have kids.