And then what do I say? How can I encapsulate in these posts all that our daily lives have become? They have to be some of the loveliest people I have ever known. Sure, they can be cranky and screechy and a little mean spirited at times. Sure, there are days when the word ‘hang up the towel’ sounds like the best idea ever.
But those memories do no stick. The ones that do are ones the good ones…
Lately we have watching the mythical twin bond develop between the boys. Their new camaraderie is evident hourly. They never were ones to snuggle, share or even acknowledge each other. There were always so many hands to hold them that competition for affection did not present itself. I admit I wondered whether they were ever going to like each other.
About a month ago they started and it has gone from there. All day long I hear Mace calling ‘Owie Owie Owie’ if they are separated for some time. He seeks him out eagerly to share things or just know where O is in the house. He calls Owen’s name so much that Owen has started to refer to himself in the third person, a habit I find delightful. When he climbed into the car solo he announced “Owie Up!” and I witnessed him in the hall the other day studying his foot and declaring “Owie’s toes!”. Oh, how I love the third person in his case.
Now there is so much talking, mimicking and sentencing, words that we are literally unable to decipher on Mason’s part because of his rapid fire delivery. And the explosion of empathy and compassion, that has to be my favorite. When one is sad, the other offers comfort. Quite a lot of the time, actually. They bring each other bits of food and share better than ever before.
We are still referees, but the knock down/drag outs are no longer happening. It really makes me feel good, to see their bond. I have learned that it is not something to push or promote, it just had to come on it’s own.
I think sometimes my accounting of being a Mama is less present here because I am so present in the role itself. Where I used to need to work it out, now it just seems to fit. It took some time, some tailoring to get the fit right, but now that I have it, I no longer seem to need to process it as often. By no means is it easy, I find a daily challenge in the role. But it is comfortable and doubt rarely creeps in, guilt does not rear it’s head.
If anything, I feel a bit of melancholy as I write about my latest recollections. I know it just keeps going, growing, changing and moving away. I know pr-school looms, independence develops further. I think that is why I commit to taking photos daily, not to freeze or capture or print, just to help me recall.
The 30 days project for them has flown by and I have been a bit lax about keeping it all straight. Still, here is a recap of the last few weeks…all pretty much with the lens focused on the boys.
So many other things go on each day, but it is good to capture a ‘twin’ moment of the day. And to think, two years ago they were jostling for space in a too small womb while their Mama focused only on keeping them exactly where they were. It almost seems unreal that these unruly gorgeous little boys once fit in that space. The conundrum of parenting really is Time and where it went. And I guess, where it is taking us all.
There are still questions and considerations. The next..to co-sleep or not. And I am not talking about the two of them in with us. We are seriously considering moving them to a double bed. They slept from 7 until 6 most nights at the cabin with nary a peep. This is a rare thing for them and we are thinking that they really loved being that close. We will just have to see.
Love you, boys. I always love you so very very much.