Home for two days now. The boys were practically vibrating with happiness when we pulled into the driveway, evening light just waning. They ran from the car once we released their belts and screamed Mishka’s name, then Oma and Opa. I think they were feeling a little homesick. They played for a few hours before they settled into their own bed for the night and I could feel their utter peace as their sleep swept through the room.
Me? I cannot quite pinpoint how I feel to be home. Some relief, yes. To release the boys into their own environment where they are content to explore and rediscover home. The leaving and return brought a new content and dare I say calm to their behavior here. But for me Home feels like an old favorite pair of shoes. You know they fit, you know you used to love them but they are scuffed and lacking any shiny newness. They were tucked back there in the closet and you took them out and tried to wear them but the fit does not feel right.
We returned to a box full of bills, a backyard in some shambles, a garden in need of attention, a dog much less neurotic than I thought she would be after our abandonment (thank god for small mercies). There were also the pluses of a clean room and all stray laundry washed and gathered, but still, everything felt a little off. We spent the last few days drumming up work, easing back into home and Home, and then tackled the garage and backyard (two places that attract chaos in this multiple generation community home) and now I feel much more centered and settled. The shoes are starting to stretch out and fit a bit better now.
I declared this year the Year of the Gypsy back then, ready for movement and change. So far I have not been disappointed. The time we spent away is already fading back a bit in light of the daily demands but it was precious and it was worth it. As I sit at the kitchen window, looking out at the garden re-established, ready to yield food, at the Sun finally come through, breaking the June gloom and offering us more warmth, there is a click.
Home. We are in it. We are it. We can find it wherever we go if we look. And so we put the shiny patent leather travel shoes away, ready to be taken out for another spin when the opportunity comes. And now I get back to the business of living from this space. All of a sudden it seems like that old favorite pair of shoes fit perfectly. Ah.