To Remember

I had forgotten until today. I had forgotten those new days. The days when they were still fragile, when they were coated in downy hair, when they still exhibited the new born gaze, the one of infinite looking, but never sure at what.

I had forgotten the fineness of their hands, the lack of control of their head, the freshness of skin. And I was reminded of it all when I had the pleasure of meeting Julia’s son Griffin. Still a new little one, though grown per her assurances.


We spent a good part of the day catching up, talking and having a bit to eat, even having some knitting/crochet time thanks to the excellent Griffin who slept accommodatingly on Mama’s lap. It was good to see her and just to be. We agreed it is wonderful to have another Mom to talk to, to share with as we both journey through this thing called Mamahood.

Seeing her in the early part, in this new, ‘getting to know you’ part brought home again how very quickly the time goes…once the early part is over. It brought my thoughts back to those days, when I had so much going on but so many of the days seemed endless, as did the nights. I remember thinking the cycle of feeds/changes/wakings might never end. And I really believed it.


Funny, now, when the day comes to a close I try to recall how it was that it went so very fast. I have never in this journey longed to bring back a time from before, I cherish what is happening with the boys as it comes. Today did not make me long for the early days, but it did make me wish that I had a better recollection of how it was. How it was to hold their tiny bodies, to watch their endless gaze as it fixed on something,

to see their thin arms flail suddenly in the midst of those strange sleep spasms, to hear their odd little grunt/squeals.

It also brought home how very quickly one forgets how to handle a tiny one. I felt all thumbs as I tried to burp Griffin and give his Mama a chance to get some of the freshly wood fired pizza into her mouth (you know the drill, other Mamas reading, the pizza came and the once silent Grif then demanded immediate milk action. Which Julia handled with great aplomb). I could barely make myself thump him on the back, worried that it was too hard. Which is laughable because I remember demanding of Tim that he give them a good whack.

It was a great day but at 4:00 I realized I had to go to get home to the boys. I pulled up to see Mason framed in the picture window, he spotted me during my approach and his face lit up and he pressed his face to the glass, trying to kiss me through it. I found Owen in his Daddy’s lap,’reading’ his latest favorite, he gave my return the proper acknowledgment by shouting “car!’ and pointing it out to me.

Then we put them down tonight and I snuggled next to their sturdy bodies, felt their long limbs, scratched and bruised from their daily adventures, heard their going to sleep babbles. And I remembered. I remembered why this is the absolute best thing I have ever done. I may not totally recall the early days, but I know these days are just as enthralling.

Meme Madness

Marnie tagged me and I thought I would finally do one. Sorry to all the other tags I have received before, I always mean to get to them. Anyways...

NUMBER 1:
The rules are these: answer the following questions with one word answers, then pass this meme on to seven others.

1. Where is your cell phone? Don't know
2. Where is your significant other? School
3. Your hair color? Brown
4. Your mother? Here
5. Your father? Here
6. Your favorite thing? Family
7. Your dream last night? Weird
8. Your dream/goal? Canada
9. The room your in? Bedroom
10. Your hobby(obsession)? Knitting
11. Your fear? Loss
12. Where do you want to be in six years? Canada
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. What you’re not? Quiet
15. One of your wish list items? Freedom
16. Where you grew up? California
17. The last thing you did? Bloglines
18. What are you wearing? Yoga clothes
19. Your TV? Rachel Zoe (kill me)
20. Your pet? Mishka (GSD)
21. Your computer? Clone
22. Your mood? Mildly Bored
23. Missing someone? Nope
24. Your car? Subi Outback
25. Something you’re not wearing? Bra
26. Favorite store? Etsy
27. Your summer? Gold and hot
28. Love someone? Someones
29. Your favorite color? Red
30. When is the last time you laughed? At their bedtime
31. Last time you cried? Last night watching the HBO special at Arlington Cemetary...families of loss, seas of loss, pain so raw and painful. I held my boys and wept quietly for the loss.

NUMBER 2 (playing tag with memory loss):
The instructions are these:

Go to your 6th Picture Folder then pick your 6th picture.

Pray that you remember the details - and do your best to describe the photo.


First time I put them in these knitted hoodies. We were on our way here.

On one of the evening hikes we took almost daily, the time of day when we would reconnect, talk about what they did, and let Owen take his little evening cat nap. I miss those walks.

Looking at these photos made me a bit nostalgic, but not for the old camera. God, I love our Canon.

I will not tag ya'll by name but please play if so inclined. Let me know if you do, I love finding out people's little innocuous bits. Cheers.

Savoring

Autumn days are passing quickly and I am trying to savor the moments. It has been beautiful this Fall, weather cooling and golden light just barely lingering. I love sweater weather. Though it keeps coming and going here; cold, then hot, then cold again.

Here we are in a weekend excursion to the Cal Poly Farm store.

If you live nearby, please go to check it out. It is open to the public year round, has local produce for the most part (including local bulk honey, bring your own bear if you can) and the grounds are full of interesting nooks and crannies for the little people to check out. We actually went a week early and the pumpkin patch was not open to the public. It proved to be a blessing as we were able to slip the boys under the fence and get some shots of them (without folks in the background).

I love the new features I am finding on FLickr. The slideshow is great and the corner rounding of the pictures can be done via their editing tool Piknik.


Hope you are finding this Fall to be delicious and that you can savor your moments; with little ones, with yourself, with your families.

And for my knitting readers : Bandwagon (aka February Lady Sweater) is done, needs buttons and some loose ends woven in. Now just to get some golden light shots to upload and add to the thousands of others on Ravelry.

Hmmm, not crazy about the rounded corners on Blogger...any one have a suggestion for a good app/tool for that...you know I am talking to you, Steph ;)

My Banshees

So, it has been a bit of a rough developmental time here at the Yates house. Amidst all the toddler fun that is occurring , well, the boys have gone pre-verbal and that is shaping up to be one of the bigger challenges we have experiences. I meant to go read up a bit before writing, mind you, I learned all this stuff waaay back in PT school, but I did not. So, as of right now, the boys have words (never counted, but not a whole lot), twin speak or toddlerese…you know, the unique language they seem to develop when they learn they have voices...and screaming.

Screaming, folks. Loud, loud screaming. Of which they can control but choose to use. And not judiciously.

I understand their dilemma. Their comprehension is through the roof, they understand receptive language almost too well. I have had to curb some of my less than stellar phrases and we spell quite a few things in their presence (like O-t-t-e-r P-o-p-s).

The limits of their spoken language, their need to tell us what they want, well, it must be frustrating. I watch as Mason now hesitates when he comes to a truck or bus in his books, wanting to say the right word and knowing ‘car’ will come out. He looks at us and tries, but then perseverates on ‘car’, gets pissed, and then screams. He has a pretty low threshold in the frustration area. That would be directly due to my genetic input. Sorry, Mace.


Owen is different. He does not hesitate at all when it comes to using his repertoire, casually throwing his words, identifying any and all animal as ‘dog’, oblivious to his generalization. But the kid likes to yell, then scream when he gets excited or wants to direct my attention. And that can be a lot of the time.



So, we muddle along. I have found using repetition and modeled conversation does help, at least to save some of my sanity. I usually start the conversation with a
“What do you need, M/O, water, snack, etc…”
“Yes, Mama, please can I have a ….”
“Sure, Mace, just let Mama get it out of the cabinet…etc”
Sounds pretty reasonable, huh? Now back up and read again imagining two screaming banshees screeching at the top of their lungs…yeah, the conversation can sound a little silly then. But it gives me a focus point. When that does not work, we do a ‘Time Out’ for excessive screaming. And not proud to say it, but I have shouted a few times. That really does get their attention, for the moment, anyway.


I do not want to paint it as total bedlam, but the last few weeks have been trying, those few ‘melting’ hours bringing forth a lot of their frustrated vocalizing. There is one thing it has also brought forward. I tend to think a lot during these times, during those moments of calm, about my Self and my parenting. I realize I can trend towards the thought…”If they would just…get through this, have more words, be able to speak, just not, um, scream”. But what that makes me realize is it can cause me to miss that Here and the Now…because they will pass through this and I want to remember it, painful as it may be.

To end on a lighter note, one neat part is deciphering the words they are using. For the last few weeks Owen has been wandering around saying “Abby, abby, abby, abby” at random moments. I tried to figure out what he was associating the word with, looking for objects or actions. Well, last night, Tim and I were watching them bathe, I asked Owen to swim and he laid down, kicking, laughing and saying ‘Abby’. I looked at him and asked him, “Are you saying ‘Happy‘?”. And he turned to me and smiled so big, so wonderfully, so happy, and nodded his head. I died.

(Yeah, I put that barette there? So?)(He is going to kill me someday).

And Mason, though occasionally hesitant to use words with books, has no such compunction during other activities. We have decided his running litany is in French and it sounds really, really interesting. He makes the simplest of actions intriguing, talks to and about his brother a lot, and cocks his head with this inquisitive look that just about kills me. The other day we were doing body parts and I asked him to show me “Mama’s nose” (he usually does his own body parts) and he looked at me like “Why?’.


So, I am trying to remember to embrace moments, breathe deeply and I ask, any advice out there for other strategies, Mamas? Leave it in the comments. Please.

Oh, in this vid if you listen carefully at the beginning, you can hear Owen saying "abby".