To Sleep, perchance to Dream

I started this post right after the New Year began. Since then things have calmed down (for a bit) but I thought I would post it anyway as a reminder to myself that Sleeps Swings. Oh, does it. And I included angelic pictures so you know I do love my kids. Sleep(lessness) and all.

It is pretty rare for me to write about the experiences of parenting outside of their monthly updates, but I thought I would do a post about the sleeping ‘habits’ of our almost 2 year old twins just for any one out there that might be interested. I am not big on advice (giving or receiving) being more of a experiential parent, so here is our latest experiences in sleep.

Oh, the other reason is during the few brief moments Carrie and I did get to converse during our meet up, we both mentioned that we just do not have good sleepers. Never been great with the sleep through the night thing, naps take help, etc. and I have to say it was a huge relief to talk to another parent that understood and had the same experience as we do. Because the boys have been on a schedule since day 1, but that does not negate their personal sleeping style. So…


All was going well for a bit in sleep land, I recall a few months of pretty good sleep. The boys were going down at 7, up around 6, 2 hour naps and minimal night intervention (i.e. the occasional replacement of paci). Then it started in December that we lost some of it, Mace then O, then Mace again. Verbalization started to steal some of their peaceful nights away. Mace would cry in a really frightened way. Then vacation when we slept in the same room and they ended up on the mattress with us every night due to incessant protesting from their p’n’p. Then home with Owen’s canines tearing through. We are talking kids that were up for hours in the night, unable to settle back, unable to be left, just unable, you know? This resulted in very tired and dragging parents/babies that were all feeling the strain.


Now, two things occurred to me as I write this and listen to Owen stir, talk in mid nap then settle himself back down. First, the whole notion of these babies of mine 'getting' sleep and 'keeping' it is just a notion. I know they can sleep through and put themselves back down, they have done it before. But I remind myself that there are times when they have a need, one for extra comfort or reassurance. Their world changes daily, not stable the way we adults try to maintain. They will need help and an extra cuddle and sometimes a warm parent to lay with for a bit to give them what they need. And these are things I am willing to do (in the day light hours it is easier to write that)(much harder at 1 a.m. to feel that).

So, there is now the knowledge that the sleep ‘bumps’ will smooth out. (BTW: This is the first time O has put himself back down in a few weeks, hence, the prompting for this post)(And if he would have gotten up and cried, I would have gone in and rubbed his back or held him or even laid down with him if needed, as this is for Macie too, so he can rest). It helps to write that because it reminds me that most of the tough times are temporary (haha, which means so are the ’easier’ times).

And the second point is, there are times when we realize we are doing too much and interfering with their sleep. Like when we smacked ourselves on the head this weekend after trying to soothe two really pissed off kids for an hour after they woke together at 11 or so, and our attempts were fruitless, and we left them to each other and they cried it our for awhile, and then fell asleep. So, it is a fine line, knowing when to ‘help’ and what to do. I personally feel like we cannot really do anything 'wrong' which I think frees us to try what we will and see what works. It is different for each child and it always will be. But it has also freed me from feeling like a failure as a Mama because my kids do not sleep well. It is so easy to assume it is something we have done, something we need to 'fix' but I realize for my family, it is what it is.


I think I felt the need to write this as a reminder that we all give birth to different children. We bring forth little ones that experience and process the world in unique and special ways. And they all sleep differently. I know we can ask for our children to follow a schedule and I think that is good. But I like to remember that we cannot 'take away' their individual experience and that we can honor their needs within reason. It empowers us as parents to let go of the notion that we create good/bad sleepers. I think we create the opportunity for healthy sleep, and then just take it from there.


And if you are reading and you are a parent with sleep challenges in your home and your little ones are young and you feel a bit desperate, I can say two things. It does get easier in a fashion, even if your little ones never become angelic sleepers. And, um, coffee? A Mama's best friend. Feel free to leave some comment love if you have found yourself in the same boat, so to speak. And if you had the little one that went down at 7 and woke at 7 starting at 2 weeks old...uh, maybe don't say anything. We on the other side might look up your address and bring our leftover noisemakers from New Year's to give you a taste of our night life. Just saying...

On Crafting Friends

I remember a day in my earlier twenties when I sat down to think about my life. Profound, right? But it was. I was living in NYC, lonely, far from loved ones and far from comfortable. I wanted to reach out to someone, anyone who really knew me and I realized I couldn't. I searched my thoughts for the person and could not find one. It made me look at the fabric of my past friendships and I realized it was rent with holes, gaps where whole pieces and times had been taken out. And those scraps were lying there, a bit forlorn and discarded.

I had never been easy with female friendships. The ones I had were marked by intensity or competition of a sort, combustion, and in an attempt to avoid confrontation, total cut off. I had such a bad track record with other females I eventually gave up and ended up always hanging out with the guys, wary of the girls and all the complexity that went with it. And that made me sad, looking at it that day. No, I did not get up and find a number and call any of them. That did not feel right. Instead I decided to reach into my memory and gather those scraps and fashion a quilt of sorts. One that pieced my time back together and honored the quality and lovely parts of those friends, leaving the hard behind. And I felt much better that day.

My thirties are proving to be different in my world of friendships. I cannot claim to be a better friend that I was, I still value being alone, connecting when I want, and now, more so, when I can. But in this new time, I have found women to whom I feel truly connected, and friendships have developed that I cherish and wish I had more time to nurture.

Thursday was a celebration of sorts, of the women I have found via knitting and blogging and come to know in the real world as vibrant, intelligent and interesting. I am always glad to come together with them (and meet new ones, Jillian) and discuss not only fiber things, but life, mothering, choices and opinions. I like them all so much and always look forward to the time spent together. Never would I have thought these women would be people I called friend and I am delighted to have them. We who connect via the medium of the Internet 'know' each other in many ways, I am glad I have come to out of the blogworld to be a part of this community.

And the night at Unwind...let's see.

:: Got to meet Jess and Casey of Ravelry fame (felt like I was meeting rock stars, but they are totally awesome and super easy and cool to be around)(Duh)

:: Fell a bit in love with a bag that I did bring home because I fell a bit in love with the owners of the fantastic Namaste business.

(Uh, Dawn and Kelly rock the house and listened to me talk about my kids, and laughed because I guess I am kinda' funny).

::Finally met MJ in person (yay) and loved her like all the rest.

And confirmed with Lori that I can come hang out with her in the O.C. right? (Just joshing, L).

::Enjoyed time with other knitters, all wonderful including the ladies : Julia, Shan, Lori, MJ, Mary Heather, Jillian and Kat. If you have not read their blogs you should. They are all awesome knitters among other things.

::Was the only person to commit the faux pas of knocking over a full bottle of wine (in a knitting shop, mind you) and still they said they liked me and helped me clean up (I used the Mom of Twins with little sleep excuse for that one)(of course it was me, it is always me).


But I want to say thank you, friends. I find myself crafting a new quilt of friendships, one more thoughtful and meticulous than the first. One to be cherished even as we grow and move and change. For the first time in a long time, I find myself comfortable and happy and able to enjoy that which women bring to each other. Mercurial we may be, but essential and validating and just so lovely too. So thanks.

And let's do it again soon, okay?

Finished for {Friday} : 2008 Version

I am not sure if this counts as Finished For Friday, but I going with it anyway. Let's call it Finished for 2008, shall we? I really wanted to share some of the wonderful things my baby sister Emmalien made for the Christmas season. It was awesome to open them and find all of the craft and love and true precision she put into each gift. The girl can sew, let me tell you.

So, the boys each received a book and a stuffy. The books blew my mind. Just take a look...

Every page handmade; embroidered and sewn. The details are awesome and there was a moment when I considered putting them away so the prying hands of Team Demo could not mar their beauty. I thought better of it, as isn't that what she made them for, curious little fingers that can touch and turn and read each bit.

The other day I found Owen with the Veggie book open to the grape page as he ate his morning snack of grapes. And I melted. So, they love them, Memchis...you are the very best of sisters, of aunties and of crafters I know. And rest assured, if those boys start to rough them up they are going on Mama's nightstand for some light evening reading.

And I was showered too. I now have a roomy new purse that is sturdy and beautiful. It is my new go-to bag and holds all that I need and more.

I love the buttons and the construction. Emmy, your seams make me swoon.

And I can finally claim to own a real wallet, with places to put pictures and cards and money.
I would say my sister rocks, wouldn't you? I have linked it before, but give her a visit and a shout out in the comments if you can. She blogs at EmNatural.

I had intended to post about my almost successful hand made Christmas gifts but the time whirled away during the holidays so I will just plug it in here, following along with all the crafty goodness. Most were knits, the few sewing projects I sent without getting photos. The 'almost successful' label is only there as a few projects did not pan out great, and one was made after the actual day due to a custom request..but here they are.

The fruits of labor that started waaay back in August. I loved doing it all and gifting the efforts upon my loved ones. But next year I think sewing shall take the front seat along with some canning and planting.

All in all, it was a good Finish for the Year. Now I can focus on what is hand. Which includes an exciting night of knitting and friends and cake with my fiber girls.

Oh, and you should make these.

Homemade English muffins. Not too be vulgar, but I am pretty sure Tim might take me in the kitchen if he comes home to a warm basket of this love again. TMI? Sorry.
(Yeah, so I once read trashy romance novels. What of it?)

A Sustainable Life

Just wanted to note that the images accompanying this post are from our weekend discovery of a local community farm project on the campus at the Claremont Colleges. And the mud home is a student project (I believe) and my dream home. I know, a mud hut, sounds weird, huh?

I have been thinking a bit about this year and the financial world that is coming down on us. NPR reports daily on the upheaval of our economy, our system, our lives. It has made me pause on a daily basis to think and evaluate what we as a family are doing in this upcoming year to prepare, or better say, brace ourselves for the immanent changes.


Since the day I got pregnant, and I mean literally, we have been on a single income with supplements from my occasional forays into work. We did not feel a huge impact when we 'lost' my income as we had scaled way back before I stopped working. Now, we also exist in a fairly unique situation as we live with not only multiple generations, but with multiple sources of incomes. We have a safety net that many do not live with, and that helps us through harder times and insures that there is always food on the table and a roof over our heads. Tim and I both make/made fairly modest incomes, enough to allow us to live without a lot of worries, but not to live with a lot of luxuries. I am starting to really appreciate what living moderately means, especially as we try to balance and make sense of what we should do as we watch our country's fabric shift and tear quite a bit.

Many years ago I read a book that changed my life. It is titled Ishmael and is the fable of a gorilla that has sat as anthropologist to human kind, observing, theorizing and then passing it on to a student who happens to be a human. It is not a book for everyone, but for me it crystallized almost everything I have felt as I grew up, but was unable to formulate. The 'story' is of our culture, our consumer culture...and of course, it's impact on the world. Like I said, not for everyone, but a lightening bolt for me. So, it changed a lot in our lives, Tim and I have used the story as a barometer of sorts. It is very relevant today as we go forward into what could be the biggest mess we have seen in our lives.


This is not a dire post, rather I mean it as a place to set down in writing what goals I have for myself and family as we try out a leaner way of life, a life with less and with more due to taking less. A life where we find personal sustainability that extends past buying 'organic' or leaving less of a footprint by bringing home products claiming to be good for the world. And the life is starting to look like it is mostly about bringing home less overall.

So, to start, things we are already doing:

1) Farmer's market : We have been going steadily for a year for both produce and companionship. We do not just buy, we speak to the people, get to know them a bit and give our favorite one man band a few dollars while the boys dance to his guitar/harmonica and marvel at his expertise. We are re-connecting with a community that I had forgotten existed. And our dollars go back to our area, our home.

2) Less packaging : I am almost at 100% with taking only what we buy out of stores, no bags, no extra baggies, less less less.

3) Buy used : The boys rarely have 'new' clothes or toys, we use the local children's resale and receive a lot from friends. I never turn away an offer of stuff, rather I go through it, sort and choose, and then regive/donate what we cannot use. I have never felt stigmatized by this, growing up with a 8 children household taught me the value of reuse.

4) Shop less : I curtail urges to go to Target for 'just one thing' or to browse the internet too often as I find the ease of clicking through to Paypal is just too too easy. Instead, we hit the park or the trail and I marvel at all that is there already.

Things I want to do:

1) This is big for me...I want to do a SLOW month. This is the pledge to avoid buying anything that is not essential for food/work. So, milk, yes. Joann's fabric bin, no.

2) Divorce myself from Joann's : Speaking of buying. I have to be honest and say though I broke up with Target, I struck up a relationship with Joann's with a vengeance. And buying fabric for clothes for us and the boys sounds so justified. Until I consider where the fabric came from and how it was made and it then looks as bad as the $1 polos I bought for the boys at the Old Navy sale. So, Joann, I love you but I think we have to break up too. Or at least take a break.

3) Use what we have : By this I mean crafting supplies stacked, paper piled, and jars/containers/bottles reused. I think of Tim's GPs that save everything. They are a product of the tail end of the Depression and remember when glass was precious, when plastic did not rule. I marveled the other day at our yogurt container, lid and all, thinking of how to re-use it.

4) Make more : Speaking of yogurt, I have a yogurt maker, yet to be used. So, things like that, making food, growing food, finding out what is seasonal, sustainable and delicious that we can grow in our backyard. And I want to get a pair of chicks for the yard, they would provide fresh eggs and be great insect eaters. As long as Mishka does not get them.


5) Save what we do not spend : Not spend what we save by doing the above. Tricksy, that part.

6) Educate myself regarding my local homeschooling community : I am becoming more and more convinced that I am going to pursue homeschooling the boys. It came up when I first had them, then I reconnected with a very dear person who invited me t see how she home schooled her youngest. And lest you think it cripples children, a majority of her circle have gone on to college, one is at NYU and currently performing on Broadway. At 20. So, I am weighing the options, wanting to know more, and getting really excited about it. This blog has some great insights into HS. You might read her a bit for her wit too.


So, these are not terrible concrete. It is not like I wrote down numbers and figures, these are guidelines for me and mine to try to follow as we walk with our fellow Americans that are trying to see what the light looks likes at the end of this tunnel. I think it looks totally different than any of us can even imagine.

I do not think this will be in any way easy for me, I know I am more plugged into consumption than I realize. But this is a great way to learn how to unplug. Won't you join me in some small way if you can? You could do the pledge of the Slow Month (or try), reuse or buy used, find your local farm/farm store.


And if you get a chance, pick up Ishmael. You might just like it and join us.