Re-entry

When I arrived home last night my boys were asleep. I crawled into the queen size bed that they share and studied their sleeping forms, laying in abandon in that sweet limp state. They had arms intertwined and heads on the same pillow and I sighed at the deliciousness. I breathed in the air of home and settled.

This week has brought about a profound change to my life and this cannot be denied. As a result this space is likely to change and move deeper into directions I have been shy of exploring. Shy of claiming. Shy of sharing.

I had left NYC in '98, 22 years old and ready to say goodbye. That City, she can be a bitch. I walked back into that same pulsing energy that is NY last Wednesday and felt almost crippled as I found that 22 year old woman/child/me on every familiar street, every corner store. I felt acutely invisible, bereft of my Tribe, swimming in a sea of a city where I had once lived as a long-term (and somewhat reluctant) visitor.

The first two days were hell in many ways and I thought about getting on the plane back home more than once. But I came through to the other side, just in time to truly embrace the opportunity that was being presented. The City, she can be a bitch but she can also be a generous queen, offering unlimited contact and richness of Life.

I am going to honor my time there with several posts over the next few days... not always about Blogher.... I promise.

This next bit is about Blogher 10 :: Day One.

That is the Bloggess' shapely foot...this is devotion)

I met a rock star and showered with her, met my friend Ry Pepper (her real name...how freaking cool) and hung out in the bathroom and watched the Bloggess get her shoe licked (dude, people loooooove that woman. For good reason), met the Eden's Fantasies ladies who were planning a awesome sex session. It all sounds a little more raunchy that it was.

And then I ended the night at a small Brooklyn space called Vox Pop, listening to a woman play her lute while she graciously allowed me to take her portrait.

Here's the slideshow and the set link.



Upon reflection, I can say it was a good day.

Blogher 2010 :: The Amiee Experience

So, I just sat down to start writing my Blogher recap post along with thousands of other women who attended the event this weekend. And I realized I can pull it all into one sentence :: Blogher is what you make it. Blogher is whatever you are willing to let it be. (Lied, two sentences).

I was nervous as hell going in, I am not going to lie. But before the conference I had already decided the why of going this year; I had an agenda ::

1) Meet the Canadians. You may think I am kidding. I am not. I read a lot of our Northern friends and really wanted to use the time to put a physical presence to the amazing writer voices.

2) Learn about some 'techy' stuff. I am not a writer, a promoter, a sponsored or advert blogger. I am just Me, with my blog and my space and a desire to know more. So I looked through sessions and found ones that seemed to have solid information about stuff. That stuff turned out to be about design, processing photos and art.

3) Go to Mamapop's Sparklecorn extravaganza to shake my booty (and shake it hard).

And so that is what happened. I met Kate the first day and finally got to hug a woman I have read and cried for and laughed with and sighed over. And then we ended up getting ready for a party together and I had a chance to start to see what it is to meet a person we know from the flat screen become whole and rounded out and there. And I was not disappointed once this weekend with anyone I did get to meet and speak to and be with. (I still find the Kate thing a little surreal).

I went to the Canadian party where there were a lot of Canadians. It was cool. The man dressed as a Mountie was a little much.

I went to session where the founders of Kirsty and Design Sponge shared generously about their blog design, what they know of shaping the online space people see and read. And is was really good info (though I was viewing it through the fog of the free drinks from the Canadian party...thanks for that, O' revered Canadians). The panel also included Alex Vega, an actual web designer who was super informative, forward thinking and funny and (incidentally) she was totally hot.

I heard Ryan from Pacing the Panic room tell a group of women to "Take good pictures". And he was right. The best way to process a photo is in your eye and mind before you shoot or while you shoot, not in Photoshop. He also said "Know your camera". More good advice.

Karen Walrond wrote on my arm and though I was smiling in the pictures I was trembling inside...off balance and sad in a sea of women, missing my kids and home. But she wrote on my arm in bold and I ended up down in my old 'hood the LES and people kept telling me they liked my tattoo. It said "I make things". It almost made me want to go to a tat shop and make it permanent.

I also went to a panel that Karen facilitated and it was unbelievably good. She and two other women spoke about Art in the Blog spaces and shared generously and openly and we had a dialogue in that room that made me finally able to call myself an ARTIST. I do not say this lightly. It has never been a word I am comfortable using in reference to myself.

And then I shook my ass at the Sparklecorn Extravaganza which was like prom without the sausage. (Well, there were a few men...but it was all about the ladies). I am pretty sure there will be a picture of said shaking somewhere around someday.

I also loved the Keynote* which was a moving and special experience...through the listening I found a whole new set of bloggers to explore and read and enjoy. And I made a new friend named Ry Pepper who is a photographer that has created an online space to feature art that catches her eye and interest. She also rocks.

And that was my Blogher10 experience. I did not take swag (well, only the reusable stainless steel bottle that keeps unscrewing and pouring out all over the contents of my purse). I did not even go to the Expo hall where the swag was housed. I occasionally felt totally overwhelmed by the sheer amount of chatter so many women voices can create. I drank too much. I slept too little. I really really have to go through the photos.

Saturday night during Sparklecorn I stepped out of the party for a break from the action and ended meeting a lovely woman. We began talking about the conference and she asked me about my experience. She was open and engaged and a great listener so I told her. I told her what I liked about the conference and I told her what I did not like. Did I mention I was also drunk?

SO...... I really told her. Not in a negative way though because as we were speaking I was hearing my experience and this post was beginning to take shape. I glanced at her badge and noticed it said Staff. I asked her what she did for Blogher and she told me she helps with the conference. So we kept talking and talking and as we finished up our conversation, my heart totally finally getting why I went to this crazy loaded event, another woman who had been listening the whole time turned to me and asked me if I knew who this woman was. I knew her name was Elisa. That was what she told me. Turns out she is one of the co-founders of Blogher. Oh.

And you know what? I am so glad we had that talk. She listened and maybe there was something in there that she heard that will help guide the next experience of Blogher 11 one way or another. I can tell you I certainly felt seen and heard and understood by this woman.

Will I be going to the San Diego Blogher? Absolutely.

It is what you make it. And I might even be able to get a Canadian or two to stay at my house. Awesome.

* The Keynote was an evening event when 15 or so bloggers read their written words. The pieces read were picked via submission and review and voting. There was something about listening to them speak their words that was powerful and beautiful. I loved loved loved it.

* Pictures to come. I am still in NYC for a few more day. This has been a looooong trip with more than just Blogher but I had to bang this out before I forget it all in my sleep deprived, sweaty headed current state. I am more tired right now than I ever am at home with my kids. Whew.

To all my new people that I met via this weekend whirlwind, if you are here reading...hello, welcome, I will find you once I sort out the cards in my hand made felt card carrying (that I last saw in a jumble of some dirty clothes in my thrashed suitcase area.....) #donotwanttopack

On my Way

Sitting here at LAX after the quick and painless check in. The boys and Tim accompanied me and we parked at top level to watch the huge planes take off all the better. TSA was easy, they let me through with gobs of lotion and hair products and wickedly sharp scissors.

And I am excited but for now just want to put up a picture of them....


Carry on? Maybe I could have tried for the one, but they might have noticed two.

Mama loves you, boys. Very very much.

My Swag

So, I usually make things in anticipation of a big event, we know this. I make things for my kids and their birthdays, my family members at Christmas, my beloved friends and their offspring. I figured that Blogher should be no exception and now when people ask me what my blog is about I can just show them.

Instead of posting about what I am going to wear (I mean, I already showed you the shoes) I am going to show you what I made. The first thing is a backpack bag.


I know I hate purses; the bumping on the hip, the sliding off the shoulder. I know I love backpacks. But I might look a little weird in heels sporting a Jansport, you know? So I combined a few patterns I have tried to make an awesome Dia de las Muertas infused piece. It is a little slouchy, a lot expandable and came together with moderate hassle.

I love the fact that I remembered to add a flat bottom as I will be fitting my SLR, a pair of Rainbows (because I figure I will wear those heels for about 15 minutes) and a bit of lip gloss and such. There is a giant front pocket to hold the myriad of cards I will collect. I like it. I also need to finish it because I did not remember to sew the cord into the side seams. Easily rectified... I think.


And then, New York, August and humidity. I know these factors will combine in a way that by 3 p.m. I will look similar to Don King. I remember when I lived there and the hair frizz, boob sweat, and 'didn't I just shower?' feeling. So my concession to the hair is a Alabama hair band; comfy, wide enough to hold back some of the exponential hair bomb and pretty.


There is never anything wrong with stitching a little.

And my cards did come. I went with Moo, little chips. Cost and er, the importance, swayed me in this direction. They have a nice feature that allows you to upload from Flickr, choosing photos from your stream.




I like the, but there are a few that were cropped poorly. I swear it was not my error so I might have to speak with Moo about the printing. For the most part I am happy; I have something to palm and I have yet to detect any proofing errors. I struggled a bit to find words to describe me, but who doesn't?


So, do you see anything that I missed? Laura? Please tell me I avoided profanity and spelled my blog correctly.

And last but not least....I am in the process of sharpening my rusty jeweling skills. It has been years since I have picked up the tools but my sister, an amazing jewelry designer, gifted me with a pile of pretty.


I see a Superhero inspired necklace coming about from this....I need something to rotate as I rarely take off the one I do own right now.

Somehow, the making has made me feel much more like Myself. And after spending a good portion of the weekend cleaning up my work documentation and playing at the beach with the boys (By the way, three years olds and kite flying? A big challenge), I now can feel excited about the trip.

Who knows, I might even have a little Secret Mission planned for NYC. So, I'm off....almost.